Sad but True

He was sitting on his bed, thinking about his latest dream. They were getting worse every night. He would give anything to make the dreams stop, to go back to the way he used to think. He wanted to feel good about himself again, but after the dreams started, he couldn't look his brother in the eye anymore. Thinking back he remembered his first dream. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dream~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh, god Benj! Oh god, you're the best!" "Yeah Joel, bet you like this, huh? Want me to keep going, or should I stop?" "NO! God, don't ever stop! Please.....uhn-" "Mmmmm....you look so good right now babe, taste good too."
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Yeah, it was short, but it had embedded itself into his memory forever. He didn't know which was worse, likeing guys, or wanting to see his brother naked. As he was contemplating which was worse, Joel walked in. "So Benj. I was wondering, why have you been avoiding me lately? Did I do something to upset you? 'Cuz if I did, I'm sorry," he was worried about his brother and scared that it was something serious.

"Nah, not you. Just....it's nothing. Some bad dreams, they'll go away eventually. I just been thinking lately, that's all," he was a bad liar, and knew that his brother wasn't convinced.

"Benj, tell me! C'mon, you don't tell me anything anymore! I just want to know why! Why are you being such a jerk to me?" he was getting tired of playing this game and Benji knew it.

"It's nothing, okay? Just leave me alone and go back to your boring fucking life an leave me the hell alone! I'm a grown man, I don't need you to help me with my life, so go away!" With that said he stormed out of the room. Grabbing his jacket on the way out he headed over to the park. How he longed to tell Joel the truth, that his bad dreams really didn't seem all that bad anymore. He was scared, though. Terrified of losing the one person who held his life together. He laughed.

"Think I might have just done that already. What with the yelling and the 'I don't need you' and whatnot. God, can't I do anything right? Well, except for playing the guitar. I think I can do that pretty well. Ha, look at me. Crazy Benji, still talking to himself." He laughed at that. He hadn't changed, the kids in school used to call him that. it's what kept him safe, kept Joel safe. /And I didn't even realize that I was in love with him 'till I was twenty-five. Great./ I was starting to rain when he finally came back to himself. Deciding to go and apologize to Joel, he headed home. When he got back to the house he and Joel shared he went to the living room. He stopped. There in the living room was Joel and some girl he didn't know. They looked like they had been making out for a while, and he decided to let them be. He headed to his room and then quickly undressed. Getting in bed, the image of what he had just seen played in his head. He was jealous of that girl, and couldn't stop crying at the thought of it. Knowing that Joel wouldn't come to see if he was okay this time, he cried himself to sleep. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Oooooooo poor Benji! Well, if you want to read more, you're gonna have to review and tell me what you think. I'm open to all comments, good or bad. Hopefully good. And don't worry, there are more (hopefully longer) chapters to come. so click the review button!