You are not enough

"I love you baby," he said as we lay on the warm grass side by side.

"Mmhmm," I mumbled, only one person on mind and it wasn't the man lying next to me.
Lying had become so easy. He stroked the side of my face gently and I turned towards him, my eyes covered with Ray-Ban sunglasses. They hid the coldness.

"Are you ok?" he asked quietly. "You seem worried about something."

"I'm fine babe...honestly," more lies to feed the mess I was in.

"Good. I just want to make sure you're happy," he pulled me closer to his body, I fit there so snugly but all I wanted to know was if I would fit in someone else's arms just as comfortably. He was sitting over there by the bus, his back against the metal side. His eyes were shielded by dark glasses, but I knew what was behind that darkness. When he looked at me, I knew he was holding something back. Always on the verge of wanting to say something but never brave enough to actually tell me.

I couldn't tell you how long I've been in love with him. Maybe it was from the moment we met, maybe it was over time. All of my meetings with him have merged now into one massive ball of confusion and heartache. There's no-one to tell so I keep it all locked up. I'm sure he can see me fighting with myself at ever moment of the day, his hazel eyes see into my soul.

But I can't bring myself to let go of Frank...even though he is never enough. You could call me selfish, I'm sure they all would if they knew. But I've been alone enough times in my life to never want to be alone again. I don't even know if he feels the same way...if I let Frank go would he take me? I wish that he would with all my heart and soul. I wish he would put down that notepad he's sketching in right now, snatch me from Frank's arms and take me for his forever...say the words that I long to hear. "I love you Sarah."

He's looking over here. Frank is behind me nuzzling into my neck. He takes off his sungalsses and squints against the sun. He watched me watching him. He smiles softly, his pencil resting just as softly between his fingers. His eyes burn into my skin like the hot sun. He doesn't look away and neither do I. No-one else noticed the waves of passion that flow between us. Ray calls him from the open door of the bus and the bond is broken.
"Gerard?"
"Yeah I'm here," he says, not taking his eyes from me.
"Can you come and help me with this?"
"Sure," he answers, getting up, brushing himself down and climbing the few stairs into the bus. He turns halfway up and waves to me. I don't wave back but he knows I want to. He disappears into the shadows and my love for him retreats into the dark recesses of my mind again. The place where all my shameful secrets and desires are stored...some so deep that even I cannot reach them.
"Do you want to go in?" Frank whispers in my ear.
"Yeah ok," I reply, removing myself from his arms and beginning to walk away. He catches up and links his fingers with mine. I do love him...Frank.


It's just not enough.

.............................................................................

Thanks for reading. Please review so I know where I have to improve and what not.