Right Here

I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

Kyo walked out onto the stage. The cheering from the crowd echoed throughout the concert hall. As the lights went up, he scanned the crowd as intently as he could. At every show, he bared his soul to complete strangers. He gave them everything he had and whether or not they knew it, each and every one of them took a piece of him with them when it was over. What did he receive in return? Money? Fame? Girls? Trivial bullshit, that's what. Don't get the wrong impression, he's not ungrateful or bitter. He loves what he does and it shows.

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the words to say to keep you right here waiting

Letting out a gutteral scream, his tired eyes scanned the crowd again. Sometimes he wondered if what he was searching for was located in that sea of strangers. Maybe there was at least one person in that faceless crowd who saw him for who he was, not what he was. Was there someone in that crowd who would want to be with him because they saw the goodness in his heart, not because he was Kyo of Dir en grey? That's one of the biggest pitfalls of being famous. You never know of peoples true intentions, and by the time you figure it out, it's usually too late.

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as I can take
And you're so independent
You just refuse to bend so I keep bending til I break

He raked his nails across his chest menacingly, leaving red trails as evidence of his pain. He noticed that a few turned their heads away but that even more cheered at this display. He inwardly scoffed. Kyo wasn't blind. There was more than one occasion where he could remember people turning their heads away at his self-abuse. He secretly wondered if it was because they didn't like the sight of blood or if they simply couldn't stand to watch him inflict pain on himself. He had always taken a lot of shit from the critics about his self-abuse on stage but he found himself curious of the fans responses. Shrugging it off, he fish-hooked his mouth and spit blood onto himself, rubbing it all over his face and fixing the audience with a venomous glare. Then all was dark.

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

It was just him on the stage now. Him and the darkness, and that's how he liked it. He started to softly chant. He sange for the one he was hoping to some day find. The person who wouldn't mind picking up the pieces of his shattered heart and cradling it softly in a loving embrace. The one who would love him unconditionally, and for the right reasons. The lights flashed on briefly to reveal his bandmates had rejoined him on the stage. Kyo let out another gut-wrenching scream as Toshiya's humming bass vibrated the entire room.

Why can't you just forgive me?
I don't want to relieve all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting

Kyo's diminutive frame shook with emotion as he screamed out his beautifully written words. The crowd roared with approval. He hoped someone was really hearing what he was saying. Sure, he hoped the crowd was enjoying themselves, and from the sound of things they were, but he also wanted at least one person in that throng of people to appreciate the emotion that he was purging from his very soul. Kyo secretly longed for companionship. He wanted someone to come home to, someone to share his life with, someone to get old and die with. He started to question whether or not he would actually ever realize that dream. And dream he did. Someone who understood him like no one else could, who loved him in spite of himself. A strong-willed person with a pure heart, that's all he wanted. Perhaps he was asking too much. Perhaps because he had realized his ultimate dream that he had in turn sacrificed what he wanted just under the surface- to be loved.

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the words to say to keep me right here waiting

As the lights flashed on for the final time tonight, one by one the band started saying their farewells to the crowd. Before walking offstage, Kyo cast one last side-long glance at the audience. His fleeting hope told him he would find her someday...right here waiting.