Of Cures And Afflictions...

Title: Of Cures and Afflictions...?By: Twiggysrabies?Summary: Sort of a semi-sequel to "Drunk Enough?"
Rating: 18+?Warnings: Slash.?Disclaimer: I do not own any of the members of Nine Inch Nails, no matter how badly I wish I did....This is purely out of my own mind, and does not reflect any living beings...that I know of. Of course, if it DOES end up happening, I would like to be held fully responsible. ^^;...except...maybe not for this one.


I don't want to believe that you could let it all go. I look at you and see only stress and sadness. I want to erase all that. I want to be the cure...sometimes I wish I were the affliction, at least then you would think about me. I've been close to you, and I know your touch...but I want to know more. I want to know your heart. I can't let you go as easily as you can forget me. It wasn't just a release of pent-up hormones for me. When I whispered 'I love you', I meant it. I tried to pretend I didn't, only because you looked so scared. You only come to me so you can come on me. I'm sick of being used, yet...if it's the only part of you I can have, then maybe I can learn to like feeling empty and cheap. You tell her you love her, but the look on your face tells me something else. I want you to be happy, and I want you to know love. Real love. That other man, he broke you before you had a chance to know what love means.

"Alessandro?" you whisper.

I can't help but hope, "Yes?"

"Thanks man," you mumble before you pull on your jeans and leave me alone once more.

I put my face into the pillow to hide my shame, and to imagine that you're still lying beside me. I don't want to need you this badly, but something inside me pulls my every thought back to you. I close my eyes to ease the stinging of the tears, and wait for morning.

I wake alone like I knew I would, but tonight...I'm going to tell you everything. I'm going to tell you what I've been feeling and everything I want to feel, because tonight is the last night I can pretend that I have to be near you. Tonight is the last night of the tour. Trent had prepared us all, told us he wanted something new. I just want to be with you. I want to be more to you than the toy I am now.

We play the show, probably one of the best...and we head to the hotel. You slip me a piece of paper that lets me know you need me tonight. I go to my own room to clean up, and I look in the mirror. All I see is desperation. I try to tell myself I'm prepared to hear that you're only using me, but I know I'm not.

You answer the door and walk away, leaving me to invite myself inside. I watch you flop onto the bed, flipping through various channels, finally landing on a news station. You look up at me, "There's nothing on."

I fake a laugh, "It's Hawaii, they're probably not expecting very many people to watch T.V."

You sit up, winding your arm around my waist, pulling me closer, murmuring into my stomach, "Yeah...I guess you're right. I didn't want to watch much T.V. either." You pull away, looking up at me. I know what that look means.

I bend to kiss you, softly. You close your eyes, kissing back, putting a hand on the back of my neck, tracing the tattoo I have there. It makes me happy that you remember what it looks like without seeing it. I run my hands down your chest, over your stomach, resting on your lap. I caress it softly, feeling your warm excitement straining against the denim.

I want to be inside you...I want to taste you. I pull down the zipper of your pants, listening to your breathing get heavier. I pull your shirt off and tease your nipple with my mouth. I can sense your hand gripping the sheets on the bed. I kneel over you, running my hands over your body, kissing you softly. I'm the dominant one, but only in bed.

Your trembling lets me know you're ready. I hear your soft pleas, "Alessandro...I...I want...t-to feel you..."

I'm tempted to torture you until you agree to love me..but I can't do that. I press myself to your entrance, pushing against the resistance. Suddenly, I'm sheathed in your warmth. I love being inside you, becoming part of you. I pant softly, resting my head in the crook of your neck, moving my hips slowly at first. I can feel your cock rubbing against my abdomen. I want to feel your hot come on me...I want to feel you tighten around me as your moan softly. I move faster, watching your expression, panting loudly.

You look up at me, and it's only when you've finished orgasming and you whisper my name, that I can see you're crying. I'm scared that I've hurt you, caught up in my own pleasure, ignoring yours. Your whispers are lost on my ears, I can't hear you no matter how hard I try, "I...I can't h-hear you..."

You speak up, swallowing hard, "Alessandro...I...I'm sorry. I..." you falter, making my agony unbearable.

"W-what is it?" I manage, scared of your answer.

"I...I l-love you....b-but...I..I don't know if I can do this right now...I...I need time to think. I don't know w-what to do...about...so many things, Alessandro."

My breath catches in my throat, and I try not to cry, "I...I understand..."

You put your hand on my cheek, and speak softly, knowing I'm hurt, "Will you stay tonight?"

I nod, lying next to you, trembling. You watch me, and lie behind me, curling close. I wait until you're sleeping to face you. It hurts more because this is the first time you've asked me to stay all night. I'm scared this is the last time I'll be this close to you. I kiss your lips softly, and whisper against them, "I love you, Jeordie."