Home

For me, home has never been a place.

When I go home, I feel warm and safe. I feel secure. I feel loved. I have never found one specific place where I feel that.

For me, home is a person.

There is one person in the world that can make me feel safe. There is one person in the world I feel secure and loved when I’m with. Don’t get me wrong, there’s more than one person I love in the world. They just don’t make me feel that way.

I don’t see it as a bad thing, that I only feel that way about one person. After all, can’t you only really have one home in this world?

I thought about how bad I felt for all the people who don’t feel the way I feel on the plane ride. I was antsy, squirming in my seat. Everyone surrounding me had long since fallen asleep, but I couldn’t, even though I was exhausted. I was living largely on nicotine and adrenaline at that point.

When the plane finally touched down, I felt my heart start to race, like it did that first time I saw him. I can never really explain what happened in that first moment when our eyes locked, but it’s something that’s been engraved into my memory ever since.

It felt like electricity was filling my body that night I first saw. This feeling, this new thing, filled me, flooded my blood. In one moment, I knew I was addicted. In that one simple heartbeat, I knew that I my life had changed.

The first time I found myself in his arms, I knew I was home. Every part of my life fell together, and I knew it was perfect. For the first time in my life, I knew everything was perfect.

I didn’t want to let go.

I didn’t want to give that up.

I reached into the overhead and pulled down my carry on, my feet aching to run, to go and find him, to see him.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot while the people around me slowly gathered themselves together, rubbed their eyes, yawned, and thanked the stewardesses.

The smell of airports is something I’m very familiar with by now. I sometimes feel more comfortable with their scent than I do my own bed. Except the bed I share with him.

Once I finally made it down to the carousel with our luggage, I didn’t even bother to watch for mine.

He was there.

That was all that mattered.

I saw his eyes light up with a familiar fire. A fire that I knew was saved only for me. There was something nice in knowing I was the only one who could do that to him. I ran to him, heedless of the people around us, and launched myself into his arms.

He caught me gracefully.

The electricity filled my body again. That first time, it was so new it almost hurt. This time it was soothing. It eased aches in my body I didn’t even know were there. I relaxed into my arms.

“Hey, Ville,” he said smoothly in my ear. I could feel his chest vibrate beneath my body.
“It’s really nice to see you again.”

“It’s nice to be home.” I said softly.

Home has never been a place for me.

I didn’t even know I could have a home… Until I met Bam.