Hitoribocchi

Morning came just as any other. The despair that he'd suffered un-noticed by the rest of the world, that seemed to carry on regardless. Throwing back the blanket pulled tightly over his shoulders, he sat up from the plastic shaped chairs he'd attempted to rest on, hands pushing angrily through his mess of blonde hair, as huffed breath aggitated the silence of the hospital waiting room.
"Please... Please be ok. I need you.. don't leave me now.. "
tears slipped slowly from staring eyes that were fixed firmly to the floor near his boots.
He looked up feeling the warmth of a hand smooth over the back of his shoulders. He frowned at the woman in a nurses uniform, her face that held a slightly wide eyed concerned smile .
"h- has something happened... Is she o- ok?"
His quick eyes didn't miss the tiny contraction of muscles between her eyebrows at his question, there was bad news coming, he could see it. This was it the news of his mothers condition.
"come with me.. The doctor looking after you mom wants to speak with you. Are you sure there is no one else we can call, your dad? an aunt?"
Her voice was calm and soothing, the smile warm and friendly, and that was what worried him most.
"T- there is no-one else .. just me and kaasan, please tell me she's ok. She is ok right?"
Never would people see the feisty young blonde this way, In all his sixteen years he'd only showed people his tough non-chalant side. The side of him that didn't attatch to other humans, didn't need anyone, the side that cared only for having fun and avoiding school. Only the hardened facade of a jaded soul, that had already been hurt too many times by too many people to show how much the world really scared him. But now the rims of his eyes quivered in the fight to hold back the tears that wanted to continue to fall down the summer tanned face of the mischievous teen.
As the nurse stood and ushered him to a small room away from the staring faces of curious onlookers, Kyo's eyes never left those of the nurse, questions filling his mind as he waited for some sign of hope that everything was going to be ok like he needed. He just needed to hear those words, that she was going to be ok. Then he could continue to be his usual cool self. The nurse smiled and rubbed his shoulders again,
"The doctor will be with you in a moment, you just wait here .. Can I get you anything while you wait"
Her offer was meant in kindness, but the lack of any news was too much.
"just tell me if she's ok.. I just need you to tell me if she's ok ... Please"
His screamed begs were desperate, as he dropped to his knees, tears once again breaking through the usually unbreakable barrier he held them back with.
"I'll get you some hot chocolate.. that always helps" came the only response, as the young nurse quickly rushed from the room, her body shaking knowing she was not permitted to say anything to the boy that would soon be told everything he wouldn't want to hear.

The tears had calmed, yet he was still sat shaking on the floor of the blandly decorated room, that had more than likely been the setting for many heartbreaking deliverances of news to desperate families. Hearing the door click carefully closed, Kyo's head shot up, eyes wide and questioning to the tall stern looking doctor that entered with a clip board.
"You're Tooru Nishimura?" questioned the deep voice of the man that lowered himself to perch on the edge of one of the soft couches placed in the room to make it more comfortable for grieving families. Strands of blond shifted as a slow nod broke the frozen stare of the shocked teen.
"I have the news of your mother"
He looked down at the clip board infront of him, before returning his eyes to the quivering figure in the center of the room.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but the surgery was unsuccesful, We were not able to stop the bleeding in time, the trauma was too big, and your mother suffered massive brain damage as a result of the loss of blood. She passed away in the operating room... The only thing I can say is she will have felt no pain at the end"
The stern glare, softened seeing tears drip down the cheeks of the youngster he was now probably breaking.
"I'm sorry for your loss"
As useless as it was to say, there was nothing else that could be offered to someone who'd just lost the only family he had.
"Take as much time as you need in here, If there is anyone you want us to call just ask at the nurses station.. once again I'm sorry to have to deliver such unfortunate news, but there was nothing more that could be done for her."
With that the white coated surgeon stood, head shaking slowly and with regret as he left the boy to his tears, This was one of the worst cases he'd had to deal with, leaving a teenager alone to grieve the death of his only family.


* * * * * * * * *


The nights that followed seemed colder, darker and longer than any other in his memory as he sat alone in the sparsely furnished apartment, previously shared with his mother. Kyo grabbed at the remaning change left in the pocket of his pants, fingering desperately at what little remained.
"Tell me what to do now.. What am I supposed to do now? " the whispered sobs were aimed at the ceiling, eyes then returning to the small change resting in his palm. Quickly grabbing his coat he ran down the stairs, out on to the street, not slowing until he unrealising ran through a once favourite hang out of his.
"Kyo.. Kyo.. hey how've you been" came the shouts that finally caused him to stop and look round.
Blinking away the blurred fog of tears that hadn't seemed to stop since that day, he stepped forwards offering only a sniff in response to the question, as he rubbed harshly at his tear stained face. He forced a smile as best he could towards the taller man surrounded by steam from the metal cart he was currently closing after handing a hot meat filled bun to another hungry shopper that couldn't resist the smell of the meaty delicacy.
"I haven't seen you for so long.. where have you been, I was worried about you" Die grabbed at his younger friends shoulders, a look of shock hanging heavily over his features seeing the sullen, dishevelled appearance that had taken the once lively mischievous creature before him.
"kyo?.." only a whisper of concern now, seeing tears drip along the already marked path dried for the fresh onslaught of tears that followed his questions. With out another thought for anything else Die quickly padlocked closed the metal lid to the cart he rented and took the cold shaking hand of the broken hardass he once knew. leading him carefully away from the hustle and bustle of the busy street, till they reached the quiet cafe on the edge of town that was hardly ever filled to even a third capacity. Choosing a secluded booth in the corner, Die coaxed a quiet Kyo onto the padded bench, sitting himself gently beside him. Nothing was said between the pair until coffee's had been ordered and placed infront of them.

"Kyo .. I've never seen you like this. tell me what's happened. You know I'll help ... what ever you need"
It was no secret to anyone that knew Die his concern and interest in the younger blonde went a little deeper than that of just a friend. The only person that seemed to not realize that fact was Kyo himself. Kyo's sad eyes met Die's concerned stare before looking back down at the table infront of him.
"She's gone... she's really gone. I always said I didn't care... told her I didn't need her. But it wasn't true. I don't know what to do now. I- I'm lost by myself."
Die frowned, trying to make some sense of the confession and desperate tone he'd never expect to hear from Kyo. He was the one person that never liked to admit his weaknesses, would sneer and laugh in the face of pain of any kind. But now, a totally different person was sat beside him, a broken boy.. no longer looking his age, more like a frightened pre teen faced with some terrible phobia.
" I don't understand. what happened. Who's gone .. ?" he questioned openly, with his usual naive stare oblivious to any hints of what might have occured.
Kyo blinked through the stinging of his eyes as he tried to bring the words to his lips, trying to admit to another as well as himself that the only person he had left in the world had died leaving him to face the world alone.
"My mom ... she was hit by a car... she ... she's .. gone" He didn't even realize that sobs were falling out with his words. Shock was still affecting every thought going through his head.
Die's face dropped, he'd known Kyo for a long time and knew of his hard past. His family members writing him off, or leaving his small family smaller and smaller, either through choice or departing with old age till the only two left were Kyo and his mom. Dumbstruck Die stared in horror. Words for the first time seeming impossible to find. Instead he leaned forward bringing the other close to his body. At the contact Kyo could do nothing to hold himself together. His exhausted body and mind fell apart into the warmth of the first friendly face he'd seen in what felt like an eternity. Kyo clutched strongly to the tear soaked shirt he was nuzzled into, eyes closed tight wishing with all of his remaining thought that he could lose himself here for the rest of all time in a warm friendly embrace. But the nagging realization that soon he'd be alone again, trying desperately to find someway to feed himself was biting at the edge of his mind. Sleep was the only escape. he allowed it to blurr his concious worries as he slipped into the first deep sleep since the night of the accident. ...

Feeling the shakes of his sobbing friend calm, and the sniffs and low moans change slowly to an occasional sleepy whimper, Die looked down at the the somewhat peaceful figure. The only signs of his distress the tight fists clutched strongly to his shirt and remaining V shape clenched between his eyebrows.
"I'm sorry, I had no clue what you were going through... I can't believe I've let you suffer alone. I swear Kyo, you won't spend another day worrying alone unless you want it. ... I love you" Die's whisper was something he could probably never admit to a concious Kyo, but now with him snuggled so close to his chest, comforted in sleep he knew it was a promise he'd keep with or without the others knowledge.

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My first fic, please be kind. updates coming soon. ^^