You sold your soul and you can't get it back

It feels like such a cliché; to feel so close and yet so far away to someone, but maybe his feelings are cliché. Maybe his entire life is one big cliché. Sometimes it really feels that way, like it's a big tragic circle of too much devotion ultimately leading to his downfall and destruction.
Maybe he should write a book about that shy and awkward boy he once was (though he sometimes doesn't think he has changed much) who grew up to become a rockstar and sold his soul to the devil he fell in love with. Because that is how it feels, like Ruki is a devil who purchased his soul and won't ever give it back.

It should feel absurd to miss someone you see practically every day, but it doesn't. They never really talk anymore. They talk about lives, about stage outfits, about that new single that band has released, about the weather, about anything, but not anything that really matters. It's like they don't know each other anymore.
The others have noticed of course and they don't like the tension. Uruha talks to Reita, Aoi talks to Ruki and Kai talks to both of them, but they are still not talking to each other.

He is gripping tightly at the sheets, burying his face in the pillow and he feels Reita's warm breath against his neck. They shouldn't be doing this, but without emotional intimacy, the physical kind takes its place. It's stupid and destructive, and they both know it. Yet they can't help it, can't help but to keep this theatre up, can't help meeting up to just fuck. No matter how incredibly meaningless it really is. Maybe they're hoping that the hurt will prove to have some sort of meaning somewhere.

"I miss you." Whispered words over the phone, like it's a big secret when it really should be a well-known fact. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. He didn't call Reita just to state an obvious fact, after all.

There are so many things he could say in return, but only one that feels right. "I miss you too." There are many other things he would like to say, so many questions he would like to ask, but maybe this is all they need right now.