The Night Sky

I'm telling you: this is all No Line on the Horizon's fault. When I listened to it for the first couple of times, this oneshot just popped up in my mind, and when something does, it just has to come out.

***


You tried to explain the positions of the stars to me as we were underneath their light. It didn't take long for me to feel as if I were in a classroom, with professor Edge, even though we had only planned to be away from the party for a few minutes, to fetch ourselves a beer. But as we walked through the sand, I started to listen to your lesson for the first time in my life. You have tried so many times to find an opportunity to teach me all you knew about astronomy: in a hotel in Germany, after a concert, one time when we were on the streets and very drunk. But the first attempt was back home, on the grass. We were tired of the rehearsals - okay, I was tired of the rehearsals - and were watching the clouds. It was a windy day, so it was more fun than usual. You had fluffy hair, and I had seen you cry once, and you had made me mad one time, and we had made up. When I held your hand, I noticed you were getting somewhat uncomfortable, but you didn't let go.

'You know, it's better with the sun turned off.'
'You mean at night?'
'Mm.'
'Yeah, you said you knew all the constellations, right?'
'I want to teach them to you.'
'Really?'
'Yes, I've always wanted to teach someone about it, but I never got the time.'

You turned your head. 'Can I? As soon as it's night and you have time.'
And I laughed. 'Sure.'

It's stupid, we're more than twenty years away from that day, and I still don't know a thing about the stars. I don't even know how to find the pole star.

You took a big gulp of beer and stared at the sky.

'That's the pole star.'

I don't know why you suddenly wanted to start your astronomy class after all these years, but I didn't ask, I just followed your hand and saw the star you had to mean; a bright one, a bit larger than the ones surrounding it.

'You know, we're lucky to be in the middle of the desert. You'd never be able to see those in town. Well, you could try, but it wouldn't make this easy.'

It was dark. The party was in Morocco, it was some kind of holiday for the crew and we had brought some friends along who happened to be in the neighbourhood. It was crazy, and somehow unfitting to old guys like us.

You sat down in the sand, I sat down next to you, watched your jeans and your cap. You noticed my stare and faced me.

'Ready to begin class?'
'I am, professor the Edge,' I bowed.
'Okay, Orion is over there. It's a big thing. Betelgeuse is up there, it's a massive star, but it's dying.'
'Well, they're all gonna die sometime, right?'
'Yep, but you'll have enough time to learn them all.'
'Heh.'
'That shiny one there is called Spica, and it's part of Virgo.'
I watched the part of the sky you were pointing at, but I couldn't really figure out which stars belonged to 'Virgo' and which didn't.
'How do I know which stars are in it?'
'Well, it's a weird shape...'

You grabbed my hand and pointed it to a star, then moved it up and down, until it had made strange lines in the sky. I laughed, you laughed.

'Leo is at its left... I always thought it kind of looks like an smoothing iron.'
'No way!'
'It does.'
'Show me.'

You held my hand and showed me.
'Wait...I think I see it. It does look like a smoothing iron, man!'
'Cancer is next to it... It's like a Y, but upside down.'

This time I had no trouble finding out what you meant. I actually got into it and tried to find the constellations by myself and memorize them.

'That one's pisces, isn't it?'
'Correct.'
'It has a funny shape.'

I turned to you. 'Where did you learn this from?'
You shrugged. 'Books.'

I sighed. 'Makes you feel kind of meaningless, doesn't it?'
'A little. But also a bit more compassionate with our own star, and our own planet.'
'That small thing,' I smiled and took another sip of beer. 'I feel small next to you, as well, professor the Edge,' I added quietly.

'How come?'

We breathed in the night sky, as if we breathed in the star dust from so immeasurably far away. Morocco smelt like sand, and faintly like fuel and sweet tea. A corner of the earth, the earth being nothing more than a corner of the milky way, the milky way just a corner of the galaxy. All chaos, and yet so organized, so refined. We were a part of this, right now, at this time. I closed my eyes and thought about that for a moment, as words drifted inside of my head like a raw lyric.

'I think I'm going crazy,' I whispered. 'I don't know what to do.'

You stroked my head with your left hand, and instinctively, I moved a little to close the distance between us. Your hand moved down as you put an arm on my shoulders, pulling me closer against your side, still watching the sky. The night had become cool, and your warmth was very much appreciated.

'It's not healthy to think about stars too much,' you said.

'It's not healthy to think about you too much, either,' I had wanted to say. But I couldn't. We sat together for a few minutes, getting warmer every second. Why here, why now, I thought, and why with you?

'Thanks for the lecture, professor the Edge,' I then said, and got up, brushing the sand off my jeans and picking up the can of beer.
You got up as well.

'Could you point out Sagittarius for me, then?'
I took a look at the enormous black area above our heads and nodded, grabbed your hand and made the sign in the sky with it. You were smiling all the time, and I was considering our height difference once again as you took me in your arms and I found myself gently pressed to your chest, to the heart of my professor Edge.

All I thought was: I don't want to go back to that stupid party, I just want to learn constellations here with my teacher, for I am enjoying it, he's stroking my back with his hands, don't you see?

You let me go, but not really, just held me in front of you so you could see my face. The moon was behind you, so your face was covered in darkness. The gleam of the white of your eyes was the only visible feature, until I felt your lips against mine. Then it had disappeared.

I breathed out, unable to move, feeling like a senseless rock flying in space without a goal. It was a quiet kiss, and a short one, too. I didn't know what to think of it.

'You're a good student,' you smiled - I could see your teeth for a second - and let me go, but not before my forehead had caught another kiss.
'Is this part of the lesson?' I dared asking, a bit dizzy. Or was it just the beer?
'Yes.'
'Then why didn't I take this class years ago?'
'You didn't have time?'
'I guess not.'

We walked back, holding hands.
'I hope you learned something,' you said, suddenly shy. 'I know I'm not very good at explaining things...'
'Thank you, professor Edge,' I whispered, suddenly reminded of the boy you had been, that day in the grass. How you had talked on and on about how the universe was endless, but not linear; explaining how stars got born and died, how some became a supernova.

'I could show you some books later.'
'Please do so.'

The darkness brightened up as we got closer to the lights of the party. The guests were drinking outside of the house. The sound of their laughter gradually entered our ears. You let go of my hand and we said a silent goodbye; then we joined the others again. But you know, it's funny how I couldn't stop seeing the figures in the sky I had only just learned. I think I had never really noticed them before.


Tuesday, 3rd of March, 2009
23.57