Still Swinging

The show had been amazing that night. The band was playing some of their best music ever, and the crowd was loving it. Papa Roach had finally found a record label that understood them in every way, and allowed them to make desicions that were best for the band. Everything was finally going how it should.

But he couldn't even enjoy it.

Jacoby sighed and collasped onto the couch of the tour bus. It had only been three months since Kelly had left him, but the pain was still just as strong. It was nights like this, when everything was perfect, that he hurt the most. He wanted nothing more than to have her and their sons here with him. He wanted everything to be back to normal. He wanted his family back.

He wanted to just disappear.

"Jacoby?" He looked up to see Jerry Horton, his best friend and guitarist, stepping onto the bus. "What's up, man?" Jacoby shook his head, too depressed to even answer. He knew he should have just crawled into his bunk and curled up. At least then they would have assumed he was asleep. "Thinking about Kelly?" He closed his eyes and bit his lip. "Dude, if you don't talk about it every once in a while, you'll drive yourself back to the shit you got out of."

"I know, Jerry, I know," Jacoby finally choked out. "But it's all too much still." He heard the other man sit down somewhere, and opened his eyes to see him staring.

"Start small," Jerry instructed.

"Yeah right. When have I ever started small?" The duo chuckled at the joke.

"Okay, then, we'll just have to plough through head first." Jacoby took a deep breath. He knew this would happen. They were like brothers; each could tell what the other needed. He just wasn't sure if he could do it.

"Jerry, please, can it wait?" The brunette shook his head.

"No, it can't. Management is getting worried about you, Jacoby, and quite frankly, so are the rest of us. You have got to get out of this funk, man." Another deep breath. The blond could feel the tears forming in his eyes. God, he didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted to be alone. "Talk to me, bro. What's going on inside that head of yours?"

"If I told you, dude, you would never fucking believe me," Jacoby answered.

"Try me."

How could he not talk about it? Jerry was the one person he could trust, and he was right there willing to listen to everything. The man didn't even know the full truth.

"I just want to disappear," Jacoby muttered, finally relenting. "I want so badly to just disappear and not come back. Everything outside of the band is falling apart, and I can't stop it." A few tears slipped down his face. He could only pray that Jerry would stop now, before he crumbled.

"Dude, the divorce hadn't even been finalized yet." Jacoby nodded.

"Yes it has," he whispered. "I got the call today. She gets everything, the kids as well, and I get the condo in Seattle. The kids don't want to see me. At all."

"They'll come around, Jacoby. They're only ten and eight."

"She brainwashed them, Jerry. They think I'm the bad guy while she's a perfect saint." A few more tears fell. Why didn't he just curl up in his bunk?

"They'll be old enough to think for themselves soon, and when they do, they'll want to visit you again." Jacoby simply nodded. "You need to find a house in LA. Otherwise, Makaile and Jagger will never get to visit."

"If they ever want to visit."

"Enough about that. What is it that you think everyone wants from you?" Jacoby closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"I think everyone would be happier if I just wasn't here."

"You know that's not true."

"Then what is? I believed, for fourteen years, that Kelly and I were going to last until we died! Yet here I am, divorced and alone!" He hung his head and let the drops of liquid fall. "Everything's gone. My family, my home, everything." The pair sat in silence.

"Things will get better, Jacoby. I promise. Just hang in there; you'll see." The broken man nodded slowly. "You can stay at my place until we find you a suitable house. Go ahead and hit the sack, man. We'll be starting the new girl tomorrow."

"You mean that new song writer?"

"Yeah, her."

"Alright. See you in the morning."