Lemony Phoenix and aliens

Lemony Phoenix Forever

    It was a dark and stormy day when Daniel Handler, an accordionist and out of work author pulled over into a truck stop somewhere on the outskirts of los angeles. He had just graduated from Weslyen University that year and was hoping to find work and blow off steam in the city of hopes and dreams. He just had a big fight with his girlfriend, Lisa Brown whilst trying to find an apartment back north where they were residing. So after that said fight he desided that los angeles was the place for him. 

    He was filling up his 1980 red chevy pickup truck JUST LIKE THE ONE BELLA HAS IN TWILIGHT with some super premium gas because he makes it raiiiinnnnnnnn, thinking about this CRAYZEE idea for a series of books called A Series of Unfortunate Events where he would write it under a pen name that he has not come up with yet, when a man passed out on his car! 

    “Who could this man be?” Daniel said

    Daniel tapped on the golden haired boy and caught a glimpse of his perfectly molded ass inside his baggy early 90s jeans. He wanted that ass so badly but he knew HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND and he was most defiantly straight. The man rolled over and started to get up but then he went back down again. Daniel finally recognized his face.

    “RIVER PHOENIX????!!!!???!!!” daniel said

    But River was obviously incoherent. Daniel had no option but to drag River into his car. 

    The thirst for River’s plump asscheeks were getting way too real for the heterosexual Daniel Handler. But he knew the next stop had to be either johnny depps house or the hospital, both reasonable solutions to the situation pertaining to river phoenix. 

    But then SUDDENLY Daniel couldn’t take it no more. He unziped the comatose River Phoenix pants to find that HE HAD A DIAPER ON. Not only that but a lemon in his diaper. Nothing could make Daniel more aroused, after all he was an adult baby diaper luver and he has a lemon fetsh and uses lemon juice to bathe in every night. Daniel had the biggest erection and the only way he knew that he could fix it was with river’s body. 

    Suddenly River’s eyes started to open. Daniel was scared shitless, so much that he shit his pants. 

    “mmm what smells like lemons and sex?” River said

    “ahhh ummm im so sorry you passed out on my car and-” Daniel stuttered  

    “shhh lemony take care of me you sexy beast” River whispered sensually 

    Daniel thought the name lemony was strange and out of the blue but he went with it, and decided that he would start calling himself lemony.

    Lemony and River touched lips from what was an innocent affair, to the hottest make out session that ever was. Lemony took off his pants to reveal that LEMONY SNICKET HAS THE BIGGEST PENIS IN THE WORLD NO JOKE GUYS LIKE ITS LIKE AS LONG AS A FRUIT BY THE FOOT. They started having butt sex and it included a lot of fecal matter and stuff.

    By the end of their sensual love making they smelled like the gas station bathroom and lemons. They decided to take a walk to get to know each other. They found a snicket and started having sex again

snicket [ˈsnɪkɪt]

n

Northern English dialect a passageway between walls or fences

[of obscure origin]

    But this time it was crazy and some aliens came and stuck their tenticles in their assholes and penitrated them and it was so crazy

    AND THATS HOW LEMONY SNICKET BECAME LEMONY SNICKET THE END