How We Stay Here (or Waiting)

How We Stay Here (or Waiting)
Part Ten: Reflection of Sins in a Moonlit Pool

I’m so much closer than
I have ever known . . .

* Adie’s POV *

I overpaid the baby-sitter. I grabbed a handful of twenties and shoved them into her hand. The boys appeared in the entryway after Sasha had left. Joey, who has the same amount of tact as his father, I swear, stares at me. “Where’d you go? You didn’t say, just left.”

And then he leaves before I can answer. I lead Jakob into the living room and kiss his cheek before heading up the stairs. “Joey?” Silence. “Joseph?”

“Don’t call me that!” he says loudly from the den. It’s a standard reply. I walk down the hallway and open the push oak door. My oldest son is buried under three blankets and the TV is on CNN.

“Joey,” I shut the door, “you need to talk to me, sweetie.” I sit down on the floor next to where his head is, somewhere under the mess of blankets. “I know you’re mad, but I’d like to know why.”

“Dad and Mike are gonna get divorced.” he says thickly, head still under the blanket. I bite my lip as I hear the tears in his voice. “And . . . and . . .” Suddenly he sits up and throws the blankets off of him. “I hate him!”

For a moment I think he’s talking about his father until I notice his eyes on my stomach. My hands fly protectively to my unborn baby. “Joey, what do you—“”

“BLAKE! I HATE BLAKE!” he yells. “And it’s not just me. Dad hates him and Jakob hates him, too!” He pushes my hands away when I reach for his. “I want Dad.” He says. “I’m calling him.” He vaults over the back of the couch and I hear his hundred dollar Nike shoes sound on the stairs.

* Mike’s POV *

The phone rings as I’m turning the doorknob. I answer it after a muttered ‘shit’. “Hello?”

There’s a moment of silence and I’m about to curse at whoever’s on the other end when my stepson’s voice asks, “Mike?”

My mouth is instantly dry. “Hey, Joey.” I manage to choke out.

“Are you home now?”

I can barely hear Billie’s sobs, but the hope in Joey’s voice hurts even more. “I-I don’t know if it’s for good yet, but I’m home now.”

I can fucking hear his smile. “Can you come get us? Me an’ Jake?”

“You at your mom’s?” The thought of Adrienne makes my breathing hitch, but seeing the kids . . .

God knows I need that.

* Billie’s POV *

I hear footsteps and cringe instantly, but quickly wipe at my eyes and stand up. “We’re picking up the kids.” Mike says once he’s in the doorway.

They aren’t the words I expected at all. “W-Why?”

“Because Joey asked me to come get them.” he says simply, as if we hadn’t just had a fight. There’s an edge in his voice, but other than that it’s relatively normal.

“Mike, we need to—“

“Later.” He’s already walking down the stairs by the time I hear the word. It’s not really an answer or a solution, but it’s not an engagement ring on our red carpet or a hand pushing me onto the bed.

* * *

I knock on the door. Joey answers, backpack slung over his shoulder. Jakob’s standing next to him. I grin and ruffle Joey’s hair. “Why don’t you two go wait in the car? I need to talk to your mom for a minute.”

“She’s in the den.” Jakob says, running to the car. I hear his exclamation of ‘Mike’ as I shut the door.

I slowly walk up the stairs. “Adrienne?”

“I’m sorry.” It’s the first thing she says. “I took advantage of the situation, of you. You weren’t yourself, Billie. I knew that and I—“

“Adrienne, don’t.” I sigh. “It was both of us. Our mistake, not yours.”

Her eyes are swollen from crying and she sniffles, but nods. “Joey said Mike’s home.”

“For now.” There would be a silence if it weren’t for a car insurance commercial on the TV.

“Call me when you get the schedule worked out.”

I nod and turn to leave, but then remember something. I fish in my pocket and pull out a diamond ring. “You left it.”

“Does he—“

“Yeah.”

“I’m—“

“Don’t.” My voice tenses. “Not now.” I lay the ring on the table next to the door and leave without another word.

The car ride home was filled mostly with Joey and Jakob talking. Mike and I talk to each other once.

“McDonald’s?”

“Sure.”

Fortunately, the boy’s ecstasy at having Mike back seems to have blinded them from the tension between us.

We usually don’t do drive-through; we’re smart enough to avoid the mess. But this time there’s no chance in hell of us letting the boys skip off to the playground thing and leaving Mike and I alone at a table.

“Movie night?” Jakob asks uncertainly as we pull into the driveway.

“Sure, kid.” Mike says, smiling. A smile for our kids, the real reason he’s home. Our hands brush as we move to unbuckle and I visibly flinch. Joey notices this time.

“Kiss.”

I don’t really understand it at first. I just sounds like a random word at a random moment, disjointed like a child just learning to talk might speak. “What?”

“Kiss.” Joey says. When he’s met with silence his voice raises. ”Kiss!”

“Joey—“ Mike starts, but he’s interrupted.

“Why won’t you kiss?” Jakob asks.

“You aren’t really home, are you?” Joey snaps at Mike. “You’re just pretending. It’s bullshit!”

“Watch your language.” Mike and I say at the same time.

Jakob gives a nervous laugh, but Joey is unfazed. “You’re both liars.”

“Joey, knock it off.” Mike says, his voice low. But I grab my husband by the neck and force our lips together. It’s automatic, only a few seconds, but it’s enough.

* Mike’s POV *

Joey sulked for a few minutes, but eventual joins Jakob in eating ice cream straight from the box while Billie stares out the window above the sink, pretending he’s washing his hands.

“Why don’t you guys go pick out the movie?” Jakob disappears instantly, still holding the ice cream box, spoon in his mouth. Joey hesitates, looking from Billie to me, before shrugging and following his brother.

“I-I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Billie says quietly.

“We’re married.” I say tensely.

“No shit?”

“No shit.”

“Still.”

“Fuck it, Billie.” I say in a low voice. “Let’s just pretend until the boys go to bed, all right?”

“Pretend what?”

“You know damn well what.” I hiss, crossing the kitchen and put my arm behind his neck, grabbing a fistful of his hair and forcing him to look at me. When he says nothing, I press my lips against his ear. “Let’s pretend you didn’t fuck your ex-wife.”

He pushes me away. “Don’t act like you didn’t do anything.” He keeps his voice low. We can hear Joey and Jakob arguing about movies in the living room. “You aren’t some fucking saint, Mike.”

“I never said—“

Jakob comes in the room, trying to cry and failing. Instead he’s pouting, hoping it will have the same effect as tears would. “Da-ad! Joey—“

“Did not!” Joey says immediately from behind his brother. “He started in anyways.”

Suddenly Billie laughs. He crosses the room and picks Jakob up, leading Joey into the living room by his shoulder. “So what’s this all about?”

I follow, not liking this at all.

* Billie’s POV *

We finally get them into bed by eleven. Then Mike follows me downstairs. As soon as we’re out of view from the hallway above, in case Joey or Jakob wander out of their rooms, Mike throws me against the nearest wall. His hands are on either side of the wall by my face and his breath and lips are so close to mine . . . I really want to kiss him at that moment.

But I don’t.

“Why her?” he hisses. “Why her, Billie? Of all the people you could have fucked, why Adrienne?”

“We didn’t mean—“

“No.” he says, coldly. “No. That’s not what I asked. Now answer the damn question. Why did you fuck your engaged, pregnant ex-wife?”

“Because . . .” My mind fumbles for the answer. “B-Because . . . I . . . we . . . it just happened! She kissed me and I kissed back and . . . it was just a memory. It was so fucking familiar, Mike. I . . . we just lost ourselves, I guess.”

His eyes flash. “A memory?”

I nod, afraid.

His cheek is no more than a hairsbreadth away from mine as his lips roughly against my ear. “From when you were married to her. Just you and her and the boys. Mom, Dad, two kids, fucking picket fence.”

I don’t realize I’m crying until his speaks his next words.

“From when you were in love with her.”

“Past tense!” I shriek hysterically. He claps his hand over my mouth, looking toward the stairs. Hand still over my mouth he leads me through the house, opening the sliding door to the backyard and pushing me outside. He follows me and shuts it. I tear his hand from my lips. “I don’t love her anymore!”

“Would you shut the fuck up?” he snaps. “Unless you want to explain this all to them when they come running downstairs. They aren’t deaf, Billie.”

* Mike’s POV *

“Oh, really?” he says sarcastically. “Who would have guessed?”

“Why’d you fuck her?” I say, forcing the conversation back to where I want it.

“Why’d you fuck that girl you did?” he says, catching me off guard.

“Because she was there.”

He stares straight at me, not saying a word. “She was there.”

“I . . . yeah.”

“So was Adrienne.”

I shove him. I’m not sure why. His back hits the swimming pool. “It’s not the same and you know it. I wasn’t married to that stupid blonde at the bar.”

“Why are you so afraid that I’m still in love with her?” Billie asks softly. He has his arms pulled up to his chest, staring at me with those huge green eyes.

I wanted to hit him. I wanted to hit him over and over. Until he finally figured it out. If he could at least admit it . . . maybe then . . .

“Why?” he asks again.

“I . . . you . . . she’s . . . you fucked your ex-wife!” I yell. “You go out on lunch dates with her. You kiss her on the cheek and tell her that you love her on the phone. You’re so fucking close to her that you puke when she’s pregnant with Blake’s kid. Why’d you even divorce her if you weren’t going to change anything?”

“Because I love you.”

The kiss is hard. I don’t remember who moved in for it. I don’t know how we ended up in the pool. We both know it’s a bad idea. We shouldn’t have sex when Billie’s sobbing and I still have the urge to beat the shit out of him. We shouldn’t have sex when a divorce is still on the table.

But we do.

Then we get dressed and go upstairs. I walk into the guest room. He collapses in ours. Within five minutes he’s out.

I stand in the doorway and stare at him for at least an hour until I hear one of the boys mumble something in their sleep.

It takes me a lot longer to fall asleep.

* Billie’s POV *

I drive the boys to school, promise them that both Mike and I will pick them up, then I drive to Tre’s. As soon as the door opens I throw my arms around his neck and burst into tears. “I love him.”