Bless Me Father

YES I finally got off my ass and put together alittle something something for this here story..im so sorry it took so long, but dont worry I'll have something else up soon- and no this chapter isnt the end before anyone asks...i wouldnt end it like this! hehe

Chapter Thirteen

Sometimes, when a person is a little bit too desperate to get high- they say things before clearly giving them thought. I found myself in that very same position, leaning against the bathroom door. How the hell could I rationalize saying that to him? I had it all figured out? Seems like I was the last one to get that memo, I wanted to kick myself in the ass.
“Excuse me? Billy could you…please explain to me…how it is that you have this all…figured out..” Joel’s voice came prancing through the door to me, and I fought hard to think of something half way decent to reply to that statement. As soon as I could feel that familiar tingle flowing through my veins everything became that much worse- the lights seemed to burn at my eyes- the pupils becoming sensitive all at once. How was I going to face him?
“I uh…” I felt myself take a deep breath, trying to gather my strength to get out of that grotesque bathroom- leaving the spoon and needle resting carelessly on the counter top. Wording things properly sometimes seemed like the biggest obstacle to me being fucked up- because Joel was a surprisingly smart kid, and he could read into things a lot better than most of the grown men I knew. “I just mean that we can…we can get through this together okay? Give me a week…I’ll get you the money…Just don’t you dare go see that fucking child molester Joel…” I nearly demanded- swinging the bathroom door open again. My body seemed weightless now, just drifting from side to side. The line between what’s in your head and what’s reality is often hard to distinguish in such a frame of mind, but I tried my best- realizing quickly that in my hurry to get high- I simply must have done more than had been intended.
“What the fuck is wrong with you….” Joel’s voice called out, sounding more like a distortion than his natural- perfect voice- that was such an odd feeling, I can recall thinking to myself. And everything slowly began to sound a little bit further away, the words he spoke coming in as waves in an otherwise empty ocean of sound. “Can’t you even look at me when I’m talking to you- why are you taking this so lightly!? My fucking family is homeless now okay? Father Rivers was the only one who gave a shit about me and making sure that I didn’t become some bum on the streets- and now you act like your HAPPY that our church was burned.” He spilled out, and I could see the look of distaste on his face, as if even he were tired of having to deal with me. I hated that look, the normal people always seemed to give you. As if they just knew you were hopeless. I never thought I’d ever have to see that face from Joel though, not my perfect Joel. He understood my problem, he over looked it. Didn’t he?
“Joel..” I tried to scrape together enough words to form some sort of audible sentence, but failed miserably after that first word. Squinting against the rooms one and only light I felt things begin to spin once more, things were becoming rougher and rougher for me I suppose you could say, because I could feel the sweat just rolling from my forehead like thick, salty bullets. “Joel I….” Again my voice seemed to stick in my throat- the mucus now forming thicker and thicker in my mouth. What was going on?
“You can’t even fucking answer me! Look at you- your fucking spun out Billy how much did you shoot up this time you junkie!?” His words were like tiny little razorblades, cutting through my heart- because no ones opinion had ever mattered to me- except Joel’s. Oh Joel’s had always mattered, because I’d always been drawn to him. Like a moth to a flame I suppose my interests were sparked at the very moment our eyes met that very first time. The church so stuffy and uninviting, and his face flushed as red as the alter gown he wore so effortlessly.
“stop….saying that…” I pleaded to him, shaking my head for side to side. “I’ll fix this okay..” I seemed to promise- and now my voice had begun that exact same fading pattern, some words coming in stronger than others. And as soon as I realized that much, I looked up trying desperately to focus both eyes on him- only now my vision had became some what obscured- the entire room becoming a clouded haze.
“You can’t even fix yourself! You live in fantasy land Billy- I live in reality!” I babbled- and there was a momentary pause in his speech- Im guessing he was taking the time to actually observe my erratic breathing or disheveled appearance, but I couldn’t focus on him to really take notice of anything for myself. “What is going on! Look at me!” His voice carried this time, as if he were exerting much more force with these words, and I could make out the distinct sound of someone snapping their fingers. He was snapping his finger at me- I could only guess in attempts to get my attention. But his futile attempt went unnoticed as I couldn’t even make out a hand to focus on.
“I don’t know. Joel I don’t feel good..” My voice resembled a child- so tiny and weak. I almost could have sworn that I hadn’t even said it- but It had to have been me, because I indeed felt my stomach tying itself into knots. And those very same knots were twisting into knots as well- something was very, very wrong.
“You don’t look so good….You’re breathing like you just ran a marathon Billy- come here…you need to sit down…I’m gonna get you something to drink..” The mention of something to quench the thirst I hadn’t even really known I’d had- sounded like heaven to me, but as I turned to walk towards my faithful mattress my entire body began to spasm- in a way that made my face contort in fear. Something was very wrong indeed. “Billy!?” Joel’s voice sounded panicked now- in waves of worry and sorrow- as both my knees gave way, crashing against the carpeted floor with a disgusting thud. This certainly wasn’t part of the plan. “Oh my fucking God Billy! How much did you bang up!?” He demanded a second time, but I could merely shake my head in reply. I couldn’t recall how much I’d done, I couldn’t even really recall what it was I’d done, or who he was- everything was clouded now.
“Billy don’t you dare fucking die on me…get up!” The sensation of hands against my arms was so surreal it didn’t even bother me, as he began to nudge at my lifeless body time and time again. “Billy get up! You have to go to the emergency room!!”
Those words were the last thing I can remember hearing- the rest becomes some blurry mess in my subconscious. “Billy!?.....Billy!!!!”