Something Unexpected

>>Please read!
Disclaimer is at chapter 01.
Is everyone enjoying the ANGST?! @_@ I'm not....but uh...makes the story interesting, ne? v_v Erm...yeah. I added a new phrase to the description: Self-mutilation. : \ Guess you all know what that means, ne? *Sigh* Yesh, more sadness and angst to endure. ~_~

Enjoy..?


Kyo bit down on the filter to his cigarette, tensing a moment, then shuddering and relaxing as the sharp pain of metal slicing skin shot through his arm. He leaned against the back of the toilet, watching the blood seep from the small wound. He dropped the razor blade in the skin and turned the water on to rinse it off. He then took the cigarette from his mouth, after taking a long drag and let it out slowly, relaxing even more against the toilet and closing his eyes, letting the life of him escape down his arm.
Kyo almost felt better, until he heard a knock on the door.
"Kyo-sama?" A soft, female voice came from the other side. Kyo glared at the door and scowled.
"I'm busy, go back to bed."
"H...H-Hai, gomen nasai..." He heard the girl go back and lay on the creaky bed.
Damn shitty hotel... Kyo shifted, then stood and washed the blood off his arm, so's not to scare the little twit he fucked last night. Kyo had developed quite an unquenchable thirst for fangirls. It seemed the more he slept with them, the more he wanted and yet he could never feel satisifed. He didn't care what they looked like, how old they were...Just as long as there was an opening between their legs, he'd sleep with them.
He pressed on his arm with a wash cloth until the bleeding stopped and came out, shutting the light off. He saw the girl slipping her clothes on and he made no attempt to stop her. He was tired of seeing her disgusting body. He watched her with a small glare as she uttered a soft squeek and ran from the hotel room. He yawned and crawled into the bed, happy to be alone. He hugged the pillow in his arms as he laid his head down on it, closing his eyes. They'd had a concert that night and they had another one tomorrow, he wanted all the sleep he could squeeze in.
He'd just closed his eyes, letting sleep take ahold of him when he felt two arms slip around his body. He growled into the pillow angrily, thinking it was some stupid girl who forgot her panties or some such shit. He turned over to scream at her when he found himself staring into Shinya's smiling face.
"Sh-Shin-Shin...?"
Shinya only smiled at him and held Kyo tighter. Kyo quickly put his arms around Shinya, but something didn't feel right. His arms didn't fit around him the way they used to--perfectly. It felt like Shinya wasn't even there, and as he realized this, Shinya squeezed Kyo even more, almost painfully so.
Kyo winced and squirmed a little, "You're hurting me..."
"The way you hurt me?" Shinya whispered harshly and squeezed Kyo harder and harder, to the point where Kyo was struggling to breathe. He felt like his ribs were about to crunch and crack.
"Iie...iie....I love--"
Shinya gave a sharp jerk, as if to break Kyo in two when he jolted upright in bed, drenched with sweat.
Kyo ran his hands over his body, still in pain from the dream. Still in one piece... He was sure that he'd heard a crack before he woke up, but he didn't feel anything strange...
Realizing what he'd just dreamt, Kyo immediately started to cry. He curled himself back into bed, putting one of the pillows behind him to feign a person. He snuggled with his back to the pillow and felt some sort of strange ease. He closed his eyes and tried to get back to sleep, but couldn't. It took him at least two hours of tossing and turning, getting in and out of bed, before he decided sleep was impossible.
He finally got out of bed, eyes and body burning with the need and want for sleep, and went over to the table in the room. He got a pen and paper and did what he always did when he couldn't sleep--he showed his soul. He wrote one song, the same one, over and over. Making the smallest of changes here or there, probably pointless ones that no one but him would even notice. When he finally finished, he read it over slowly. He nodded once, feeling satisfied with it and went right over to Kaoru's room, despite the fact it was past 3AM.
Kyo knocked hard and constant on the door until Kaoru finally answered. His hair was wild, suggesting he was either having a wild dream, or a wild ride. Kyo shoved the song into his hands, but didn't give him the satisfaction of an explaination, he just walked back to his room and slammed the door shut. He smiled nastily to himself and, feeling much better, crawled into bed and fell fast asleep.
------------------
"Kyo-san..."
Kyo didn't look up from the magazine he was reading. He rather relished the fact that Kaoru, almost timidly, had come and sat beside him on the bus. He just stayed as he was, his chin on his fist, pretending to read some bullshit article about some new movie that'd just come out and ignored Kaoru.
"Kyo-san."
Kyo, again, ignored the leader of the band, not really caring how mad Kaoru was getting. Let him get mad while I stayed cool. Now he'd know how I felt...
"I want to bring something to your attention."
Kyo barely perked his eyebrows, showing that he was listening...maybe.
"This...song....the one you gave me last night..."
"..."
"It's possibly one of the best things you've ever written."
"..."
Kaoru frowned and leaned closer and softly said, "Now you understand why I made you break it off with Shinya, because it makes you angry and you write like this."
To this, Kyo did respond. He slowly turned his head and looked at Kaoru. The look was by no means a good one.
Kaoru sighed, realizing he'd gotten himself onto thin ice. He leaned back a little, frowning. "Can't you understand that I'm doing my best to help the band? That's why I'm the leader, Kyo-san."
Kyo said nothing, more than tired of having the same conversation--or rather, the same argument--with Kaoru. Kyo did realize this, he knew it well. But, at the same time, Kaoru never even gave the same consideration to the way he had once felt about Shinya. The way that, on lonely nights, he still felt.
Kyo knew that it might have been the best for Dir en grey, but it was killing him inside, eating away at him. It was painful and uncomfortable before lives. Kyo and Shinya hardly so much as looked at each other since their breakup over a month ago. They hardly spoke and if they did, it was only because they had to, and nothing more than the asking of time, where some bit of make-up might be, or some other such useless shit. Their hands never even touched each other's when they all went in for the hands-down before a live...
Not that Kyo cared, of course...
...Of course...
Kaoru snapped his fingers in front of Kyo's eyes and Kyo shot him an angry look.
"Don't glare at me, you're the one who hasn't heard a word I've said for the past ten minutes."
Kyo rolled his eyes upward, then closed them. He leaned back in his seat and put his chin on his fist and watched out the window, continuing to ignore Kaoru.
Kaoru sighed and gave up, frowning. He stood and left, muttering something that Kyo didn't hear. It was probably something nasty about him, but he didn't care. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling tired. He settled into his seat a little more and let sleep wash over him, happy that they were still hours from their next stop.
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Kyo stood to the side of the stage, waiting for his cue to go out last, as usual. He only really paid attention as Die and Toshiya had gone out because he couldn't bare to look at the other two bandmates. As Kyo came out onto the stage, he heard the near-deafening roar of fangirls. He just walked toward the mic as if they weren't even there. The only thing he took in from them was their energy, letting it fill him up, excite him. Even in the midst of this awful drama, Kyo was glad that he could still at least perform.
The beginning of the concert went well enough and, after their intermission, Kyo braced himself to sing -mushi-. He couldn't have possibly prepared himself for what had happened next.
As he began to cut himself, he felt one cut bite a little too hard and he felt his arm soak within seconds. He looked down as blood poured from his arm and did nothing but stare at it. So much red...so much life running away from him. He slowly sank to his knees, feeling a little weaker than before. Before he knew it, he'd fallen forward a little and put his other arm down to brace himself upwards, his other arm cradled against him. The warm rush of red washed over his stomach, he felt it cover his pants and then passed out moments before he felt numerous gentle hands carry him upward.
So, this is what it's like to die...