I'll save you from yourself

|| Bill’s POV ||

I didn’t want to be around anyone after what happened with Georg and Tom. I hated Lexie for opening her big mouth, I hated Georg for opening his even bigger mouth, but mostly- I hated myself for it all being true. I went straight to the nurse, telling her I didn’t feel well simply so I could get out of my classes for the day. One look at my distressed face, she let me stay in there for the night. I still felt like crap when I woke up the next morning, I didn’t want to face anyone yet. Ms. Layview told me to go rest in my room for now and I would be excused from all activities for the day. When I got back to my room, Tom was already gone. I thanked god for that.

I couldn’t sleep; I just tossed and turned under my covers. It got boring after awhile of that. I looked at the clock and quickly went through everyone’s schedules in my head- no one should be in the bathroom right now, and a shower sounded really good right now. But when I went into the bathroom- I never expected to see what I did. I won’t lie; it was probably one of the scariest sights I had ever seen in my life- one of them.

The bathroom wasn’t empty, close to it, but not quite. One other person was in there, and I had to do a double take when I saw him. I honestly never thought I’d see Tom like that. He was curled to himself against the wall, face buried in his knees and quietly crying into them. Tom Kaulitz, the boy who didn’t even flinch when my nails clawed into his skin like a mad cat, was crying when it looked like there was nothing physically wrong with him.

My first instinct was to leave; he didn’t notice I was in there. I was still hella scared to be near him, but seeing him look so vulnerable… it broke my heart. “Tomi?” I said softly, taking a few steps towards him- he looked up the instant I said his name; his eyes were red and puffy from crying, so he must have been there for awhile now. To my surprise, he didn’t try to hide the fact he was crying, he just stared up at me with hurt, frightened brown eyes. “Oh god, Tom…” I said even softer then before, my heart breaking all over again seeing how hurt he was. I quickly went over to him, wrapping my arms around him.

To my even greater surprise, Tom didn’t pull away from me. He didn’t push me away. He didn’t become as still as a statue. Instead, Tom buried his face in my shoulder and just cried and his hands wrapped into fists around the hem of my t-shirt. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do really, I had never seen him like this- not anything close to this. He was honest to god scared and hurt right now, and I hadn’t even a clue why. All I knew is that after eight years of his silent and static state, he was breaking down.

My hands rubbed soft circles on his back and I rested my head against his. Just whispering soft things to him. Telling him it was okay to cry, that everything was going to be okay. I knew we couldn’t stay in the bathroom much longer before someone else walked in, and I doubted Tom was going to want anyone else see him break down like this. I highly doubt he’d ever broken down like this before. “Tomi,” I said softly, my lips close to his ear as I held his still shaking body, “Come on, we should get back to our room before anyone else comes in here.”

Tom nodded and finally pulled away from me, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand as he stood up from the ground. He held one of his hands out to me and I took it so he could help me up. I held my arms around him as we walked back to our room, it was a miracle no one saw us. But I knew once we were in the safety of our room, no one was going to look for us. Tom was out of classes for the day and I wasn’t expected in any today. I let him go when we got in there and walked towards my bed, Tom instantly followed me, sitting next to me and laying his head on my chest once more.

I wished he would talk to me, I wish he would let me know what happened to make him break down like this. My poor Tomi… I was worried about him. Incredibly so. The light in the single window of our room started to diminish to later it was getting and soon Tom and I were covered in darkness just curled to each other on my bed. Somehow in the last few hours, we had slid from sitting up to lying down, Tom’s head not getting off my chest. I was getting tired; I didn’t know how late it was. I almost thought I was dreaming when I heard him speak. “Why did you do it, Bill?”

I turned my head to look at him, making sure I wasn’t going crazy and he had really asked me something. His eyes were on me with a questioning look in the deep brown orbs. “Why did I do what, Tom?” I asked him, confused at what he was asking me.

He moved a bit, resting either hand on a side of my head and staring down into my eyes. “Sleep around like Georg said you did? You didn’t deny it, so I know it’s true. Why did you do it?”

For a few moments I just stared back at him in fear and rather shocked- I didn’t know how to answer that. The shock was because mainly because Tom was talking to me. It had been different then when he was asleep, it felt different. Tom was directing the words towards me, and that in itself was a miracle. A very scary miracle. The even scarier part, it made me want to tell him everything, to give him every little detail that no one knows. Well, Lexie knows parts of it. But I didn’t tell her all of it. The fear though, that was because I was afraid of what he thought of me. I didn’t want Tom to hate me. Not when I like him so much.

Why had I done it? I don’t know how I could answer him without Tom thinking I was a slut. Hell, he probably already thinks that now. Because in all reality, it’s true. I took a deep breath to steady my nerves some, but it really didn’t help at all. I was scared. No use even trying to deny it. “Because… I don’t know, Tom. They… they made me feel good.” I said sheepishly, trying to think of some answer that didn’t exactly tell the truth. I didn’t exactly know why, but I do know what started it. And I can’t tell Tom that.

Tom’s facial expression didn’t change, he just continued to look down on me like he was waiting for more. The look in his eyes… it broke me down, and I spilled everything. “I was twelve,” I started, moving from under him and sitting up, he sat up and watched me like it was story time. Not a nice one either. “My mom was going on a business trip so I was staying with her brother, Gordon. My uncle… Lexie’s adopted father.” I knew I was adding things he didn’t care about, but it was wasting time, so it was a good thing to me. “Lexie and I were close, we were hanging out in her room, and Uncle Gordon said it was time to come downstairs.

“I didn’t know he had been drinking that night, he doesn’t normally drink. I didn’t listen at first, I wanted to stay up and talk more with Lexie. But he got mad and told me to come down there. When I did, he pushed me into the guest game room thing- my room for the night. I got spanked… and then he…” I took a deep breath and looked away, “He… well, had sex with me. I didn’t want it.” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word ‘rape.’

“After that, I just changed. I was real closed off for awhile. Really quite sometimes. Then something snapped. I boy at school liked me, and he paid me for sex. And it went on from there. The money and saying I wanted it made me forget what my uncle did. Teachers gave me grades for not doing anything. Men pay a lot of money to kids.” I gulped back some and looked at him again, “I know it sounds gross, Tom. But its what I did to help myself. I never told anyone that before.”

He looked at me for more, so I told him more. My mind kept telling me to shut up, but my heart old me to tell him. Tom wanted to know. Needless to say, my heart beat out my mind and Tom got details, from which teachers they were to when I got caught and sent here.

To say the least… I felt like moron. I slutty idiotic fifteen year old. I closed my eyes and laid my head back against the wall and waited for Tom to move off of my bed and away from me. Waited for him to him to never look, touch or say anything to me again. Tom Kaulitz, well, I can tell you… that Tom is a very surprising person.

Instead of him pulling away, or never coming near me again, he just moved closer to me. He tilted my chin to face him and he pressed a soft kiss to my lips. Tears were stinging in my eyes now and Tom laid down on my bed, pulling me into his arms. He was holding me now, not saying anything, hardly breathing. He was helping me feel better and I still don’t know why he had felt so bad in the beginning.

I feel asleep in his arms that night. And I couldn’t have been happier about it. Tom would tell me in time what happened to him, I was sure of it. For now, I was just going to enjoy the closeness with Tom. The feeling of him holding me. The knowledge that I got to hold him. I got to make him feel better. He talked to me. He kissed me. He didn’t hate me.

Tom is something real this time. I’m sure of it.