Baby Can I Hold You

You haven't Kel......I mean you haven't came out.' Kelly stayed silent, she was sure she would be out by now.



'Not to anyone?' Carrie shook her head. ' So I just came out to you?' Carrie smiled lightly.



'In a way yes.....but I've known you were for a while now.' Carrie didn't really want Kelly knowing about their little adventure right now.



'I can't believe im still in the closet' Kelly threw herself back against the sofa letting out a tired sigh. 'I knew it was going to be hard but I had it all planned out......After I won Idol I told myself I'd do....I said I wouldn't live a lie any more.' Kelly ran her hands over her face.



'I don't know what stopped you......Maybe life got in the way.' Carrie hated not having the answers for Kelly.



'I was so sure I'd be out'



'Maybe you changed your mind......maybe it was just a phase.' Carrie prayed it wasn't.



' It's not.'



'How can you be so sure.... people change all the time.'



I'm sure'



'How though?' Carrie pushed for an answer.



'Cause I still feel it.' Kelly raised her voice a little.



'An attraction to woman?' Kelly shook her head. 'You don't feel and attraction to woman?'



'..Yes...No....I don't know.' Kelly stood, she needed some space from Carrie. When you were telling me about Elle in the car......You were showing me pictures from your phone......There was so many......I just.....I just thought that maybe we were together......that Elle was ours.' Kelly sat back down. ' I had this stupid idea that we were together and Elle was ours....but when I got her she was calling you Auntie Carrie.......If she was ours she would call you mommy.....God I don't know....my heads all over the place........I just can't understand these feelings' Carrie sat forward taking Kelly's hand.



'What feelings?'



'This deep ache I have right here.' Kelly pointed to her heart. ' when I'm around you I have this feeling that we should be together.....and now your telling me you didn't even know I was gay.'



' I knew Kelly' Carrie could feel the tears coming. ' I knew you were.....but it was all new when you got sick......it was so new......I didn't want to bring it up in case you changed your mind.'



'change my mind?......I don't even know my mind now.....I don't know anything.......except this feeling I get around you.' Carrie didn't know how to answer that. She didn't know if telling Kelly the truth would cause her to be even more confused. Before she could make up her mind she felt her body being pushed against the sofa and Kelly's face coming towards her.



She had never felt anything like it before, so soft and gentle. Kelly's lips were gentle massaging Carrie's, her hands making their way up into her hair. Carrie knew she should stop her but she'd be crazy to try it. Feeling Kelly's lips pull away carrie opened her eyes to find Kelly smiling back at her.



'We haven't done that before have we?'



'How'd you know?'



'You've turned a funny colour' Kelly giggled causing Carrie to raise an eyebrow at her. ' Man that felt good.....ive never kissed a girl before......I think.' this caused Carrie to laugh.



' You haven't.......and I told you before I wanted our first kiss to be perfect.'



'Who says it wasn't' Kelly ran her hands over Carrie's face.



'True,,,,but we have a lot to talk about now you know.' Kelly shook her head before laying it on Carrie's knee.



'Not now......at this moment all I want to do is enjoy this........I don't want to think about anything but this moment' Carrie nodded in agreement. Running her hands through Kelly's hair all she think about was how she had just shared her first kiss with the woman she was in love with. Carrie didn't want to think about anything else either.