Aberrance

The hotel room was dark. The only sound that could be heard was quiet sobbing coming from behind the closed bathroom door. On the floor lay a broken man. His mind was a clusterfuck of incomplete thoughts. Driven by his need to feel something more than the anguish, he tore at his body viciously. With nails, teeth, and fists he pummeled his body, convinced he needed to make himself ugly on the outside so it would match the inside. No, not ugly, disgusting. The blood he was laying in now meant nothing. It wasn't enough. It would never be enough. A strangled cry was ripped from his throat as he sliced menacingly across his skin. The whole time Jae's face never left his mind. 'She said she was proud of you, isn't that what you wanted?' his voice spoke to him quietly. "I want more, so much more, but I am unworthy" he answered. His quiet sobs turned to sorrowful wails as he lay curled in the fetal position in a mixture of his own blood and tears. He realized he wanted her here now to hold him as he cried out his entire soul. But she wasn't here. Even though they were in the same city now, it felt like they were still hundreds of miles apart. Kyo wasn't sure what hurt more- the fact that Jae was so close but wasn't with him or that even if she was here there would still be that uncomfortable space between them that was never there before. He hated that space but he hated himself more when he became painfully aware that he was the reason for his existence. He absentmindedly clawed at his chest as he cried harder than he ever had in his entire life. You have to go see her, she can help you, you know this, his voice soothingly cooed. He nodded in acknowledgment and slowly lifted hismelf into a sitting position with his back resting against the side of the tub. In stark contrast to the porcelain white tub, his body was an array of colors ranging from blood red to bruised purple and everything in between. Surveying the damage, he still convinced himself it wasn't enough. Deciding to forego any more self abuse for the time being, he set about cleaning up the bathroom.

Kyo stood under the scalding hot water, letting it sleuce over his tattered body. His body was taut, water sliding seductively over his tight muscles, flirting with the idea of making him feel better but in the end only hurting him more as it seeped into his cuts and burned his already raw skin maliciously.He had decided, after much debating, that he needed to go see Jae. So he had hauled himself into the shower and ended up staying there for about 45 minutes. Sighing, he got out of the shower and toweled himself off then quickly dressed and headed for Kaoru's room to get Jae's cell phone number.

Kaoru was laying on the bed idly flipping through the channels on the television. After looking for something to watch for what seemed like hours he gave a defeated sigh and turned it off. He yawned and raked a hand through his hair and layed back on the bed, closing his eyes. He barely heard the soft knock on his door. Assuming that knock could only belong to Shinya, he casually strolled over and opened the door and was surprised to see Kyo standing there. Scratching his head and shooting Kyo a perplexed look, he stepped aside to let him in. "Hey what's up?"

"Could I have Jae's cell phone number?"

"Um..sure. Mind if I ask why?"

"I can't tell you just yet. I need to figure some things out first." This time Kaoru didn't even try to hide his quizzical look but he turned and went to get her business card anyway. He gave it to Kyo and watched as he quickly put the number in his cell phone before handing the card back. Kyo looked up at Kaoru with an expression he couldn't quite place. Kyo had never displayed this look before, at least not to Kaoru. "Thanks Kao, you have no idea what this means to me." Before he could even formulate a response, Kyo was gone. Kaoru stood staring at the door which Kyo just exited with a look of bewilderment on his face.

Back in his room, Kyo inhaled sharply as he pressed the 'send' button on his cell phone. "Please pick up, please pick up" he quietly chanted to himself as he listening to it ring on the other end. Jae was still sitting in the same spot she was a few hours ago, a long forgotten cigarette hanging loosely between her fingers. Tristan went to bed about an hour ago, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She stared off into nothingness until the sound of her cell ringing brought her out of her trance-like state. Picking it up and glancing at the caller ID, she was staring at a number she didn't recognize.Raising an eyebrow, she tossed the phone back onto the couch. 'It might be Kyo' a voice resounded in her head. Snactching up her phone she flipped it open.

"Hello?" Silence. "Hello is anyone there?" She heard the intake of breath on the other end.

"Jae?" It was Jae's turn to gasp.

"Kyo? Is it really you?"

"Yeah, it's me." Jae had to fight to keep the tears from coming. She had to fight even harder to not let the emotion be heard in her voice.

"Is everything ok? Are you ok? Do you need me for something? How have you been?" Suddenly she stopped with her barrage of questions and laughed a little at herself. "Sorry" she said sheepishly. There was silence on the line again and she feared he had hung up on her. "Kyo are you there?"

"Can I come over?" Now it was Jae's turn to be silent. He wanted to see her? Her entire being swelled with joy until she thought she would explode.

"I'm sorry, I guess I shouldn't have asked. Sorry to have bothered you, goodnight."

"WAIT!" She was sure the desperation could be heard in her voice but she didn't care. "Of course you can come over. I was just a little shocked by the request is all."

"Why?"

"Well, I don't know. The way you acted at the club. It was so unlike you, at least where I'm concerned. I thought maybe you didn't want anything to do with me." A wave of guilt washed over Kyo as her words struck a chord. He responded so quietly that if Jae wasn't used to him she probably wouldn't have understood a word he said.

"I'm sorry. That was never my intent. I don't want to talk over the phone anymore. I want to see you." Her heart thudded in her chest as she smiled broadly. She gave him directions and they said their goodbyes. Jae sat back with the first contented sigh she had let out in a long time. Finally she was going to see him, and for more than a few fleeting moments of ackwardness. She was elated. Kyo smiled as he flipped his phone shut. He practically skipped out to the car that was waiting to reunite him with the woman who had changed his life forever.