Aberrance

First of all, my deepest and sincerest apologies for making everyone wait so long for this chapter. Work and life in general have been pretty chaotic and there just hasn't been a lot of time to play with my two favorite muses. That being said, I'll try and update the next chapter a lot sooner as I don't want you all abandoning me because I can't deliver the goods, so to speak lol. Inspiration from this chapter comes from the song So Long, Goodbye by 10 Years. Some of the lyrics are posted in the chapter. Please give it a listen, something amazing happens when you listen to the song as you're reading. Trust me on this one, I did it as I was typing it up. It's beautiful in a haunting sort of way, and touches on the plethora of emotions dealt with in this chapter. Please review..Kaoru, Kyo, and I like to know how we're doing! ;)


Everyone took in Kaoru's sullen expression as he and Toshiya came into view of the den. Without saying a word to anyone, he veered in the direction of the stairs. Jae looked to Toshiya, who answered her unspoken question by shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders. She stood and walked to the doorway, leaning against it.Her troubled eyes followed Kaoru's form until he disappeared from sight.

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Jae was waiting for Kaoru when he returned to the bedroom after his shower. Her eyes trailed his every movement, noting the mechanical way he was getting ready for bed. "Come lay with me" she said quietly.

He froze and then turned slowly, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time. She looked like an angel to him, propped up by the pillows as candlelight illuminated her body, seemingly making it glow. He snapped out of his reverie long enough to comply to her request. He laid down by her side with his head resting against her chest. Jae wrapped her arms around him and kissed his forehead before running her fingers through his hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. It's nothing you'd want to hear anyway."

Jae frowned. "Kao, its obviously upsetting you so of course I want to hear it if talking about it will make you feel better. Please remember that I'm your friend before I'm anything else."

He felt tears pricking his eyes. No don't cry. You knew this day would come. You can't compete with what she and Kyo have. You have to let her go, it's the right thing to do. Jae kept a watchful eye trained on him. It was painful to see him so downhearted. Sighing, she ran her hand slowly up and down his back. He looked up at her and met her brown eyes staring into his with unabashed concern. She smiled lovingly at him and leaned down, kissing him softly. Kaoru responded to the kiss hungrily, like a parched man trying to make a drop of water turn into an ocean. He pushed himself up into a sitting position and deepened the kiss even more, hovering over her and attempting to devour her with his mouth.

"Kaoru!" she gasped, as she pulled away breathlessly. He saw both lust and love in her eyes and it nearly took his breath away.

"Jae" he purred, as his hands came up to tangle in her soft hair. He captured her lips in another searing kiss. Jae quickly took control of the situation and flipped them over so she was straddling his lap. She trailed sloppy kisses down his neck, stopping to nip at a particularly sensitive spot. Kaoru groaned. "Please koi, go slow."

She lifted her head and smiled, tilting it to kiss him delicately. He kissed her back slowly, savoring how her lips felt against his, the way they seemed to be made for kissing him. But they're not; and soon they'll be kissing Kyo and you'll be forgotten. Kaoru silently pleaded with that antagonistic voice in his head to be quiet and let him enjoy the remaining time with Jae but he somehow knew his attempts would be in vain. His hands moved from her hair to slide the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders. He watched, enthralled, as it pooled at her waist. He sat up slightly and kissed down her neck to her breasts where he took a nipple into his mouth, sucking and nibbling on it until it hardened into a tight little nub. Jae mewled softly and her hands moved up into his hair, holding his head in place. His hand moved down and cupped her other breast. His finger traced around her nipple lightly and then he captured it between his fingers and pulled on it. She gasped and rocked her hips against him. Her hands trailed down his back and moved around to his chest so she could push him gently back down against the bed. She slid her hands down his torso and stopped at his waist. He watched through lidded eyes as she lifted her nightgown up and off. Her hands moved back down to his waist and her fingertips glided over the hem of his boxers. He looked her in the eyes as he bucked his hips and watched as she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and her eyes clouded with lust. He could feel the heat from her core through their clothing and it made his desperation for her even greater. Jae leaned down so she was laying on top of him and began tracing the shell of his ear with her tongue. He groaned and slid his hands down her sides and grabbed onto her hips. She flicked her tongue against his earlobe and then nibbled on it. Kaoru's hands reached around and cupped her ass, lightly fingering the lace material of her panties, before squeezing her cheeks rather roughly. She methodically kissed along his jaw until she reached his lips. He wasted no time in engaging her in a deep heated kiss, his tongue plunging into the depths of her mouth. Jae moaned into the kiss, wiggling her hips against him. He gave her a sharp smack on her bottom, which only made her wiggle more. He growled and grabbed her hips to still her.

"If you don't want this to be over before it begins I suggest you stop that" he whispered hoarsely against her lips.

Her response was a slow and deliberate kiss, filled with love rather than need and Kaoru could have wept from the sheer intensity of her passion for him. She trailed kisses along his torso as she pulled herself into a sitting position and divested herself of her panties and him of his boxers. Her hand reached out and grasped his turgid length, giving it a few strokes before she took all of him into her.

"I love you" she whispered once he was completely sheathed in her.

With those words, Kaoru's resolve broke along with what was left of his heart. She felt like home to him. She was the place where all his journeys ended and when he looked at her he could see his future in her eyes. She was his forever and even though he couldn't have her, he knew that no one would ever take her place. She brought him back to reality when she started moving slowly up and down on his cock. He grasped her hips to try and make her move faster but she sat still once he was buried in her up to his balls.

"I thought you wanted me to go slow" she said coyly.

"Do you really want to torture me that much?" She smirked and kept up the agonizingly slow pace until Kaoru couldn't take it anymore. "I need...more of you" he whispered harshly and flipped them over and began plunging himself in and out of her tight hot pussy. She moaned loud and arched up against him. He laid down on top of her and entwined their hands before pinning them above her head. He began pounding into her pussy without mercy, their skin slapping together and her tits bouncing against his chest. His desperation for her was taking over and he was relentless in his need to feel all of her. Unintelligible cries were ripped from both of their throats as they came violently together. He slumped against her, panting harshly against her neck. Her own chest heaved underneath him. She turned her head to place a kiss in his damp hair and as much as it pained him to break contact with her, he finally pulled out and laid at her side. She smiled lazily and turned on her side facing him and pushed some of his hair away from his face. He captured her hands in his again and brought them to his lips, placing several soft kisses on them.

"I love you so very much." He almost choked on the words, each one like a stab to his heart.

"I love you too" she murmured sleepily.

He gathered her into his arms and tucked her into his embrace. It wasn't long before sleep claimed her but Kaoru refused to sleep. He wanted to memorize everything from the way she felt in his arms to what she looked like when she woke up beside him. It would help get him through the cold lonely nights he was sure would come once Kyo was back in her life. The thought of living without her left him feeling desolate and the tears his pride prevented him from showing anyone else were clearly visible in the moonlight.

// I know it all takes time
Like a river running dry when the sun's too bright
So long, this is goodbye
May we meet again in another life
Like strangers passing by
May we see clearly in a different light //

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Kyo glanced at the clock for what seemed like the hundreth time in the span of an hour. Hitomi was late getting home, what a surprise. He wished he could be a heartless bastard and just leave, but he had some things to get off his chest and he wanted to be the bigger person and actually give her a reason why he was hurting her, though he doubted she'd miss him as much as she'd miss his wallet. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally walked through the door. She greeted him with a saccharine smile that he couldn't even pretend he wanted to return.

"We need to talk" he said gruffly.

The smile fell from her face. "About what?" The feigned innocence and confusion in her tone made Kyo's stomach turn.

"Don't play dumb" he replied harshly. He found he was angrier than he originally thought and he fought hard not to let her get the best of him. After all, he wasn't mad that their relationship was ending and he didn't want to give her the wrong impression.

She looked at him crossly. "I'm not playing dumb! What the hell are you on about?" she snapped. It was then that she noticed his packed bags and her head jerked up as she stared at him in shock.

// Keep dodging lights like a thief in the night
The sun will rise and expose all our lies //

He realized he didn't have it in himself to break it to her gently, nor did he feel that she deserved any sympathy. "That's right, I'm leaving. I know you lied about your pregnancy."

She stared at him, stunned, and he returned her gaze unwavering. "I just...I can explain..."

He started, but reminded himself that she wasn't worthy of his anger. "No you can't, because I don't need your explanation.. You deliberately lied to me and there's no talking your way out of that" he replied calmly.

His composure unnerved her. He should be angry, he should care. She sat down next to him and put her hand on his thigh. "Please baby...we can work through this. We can have a baby if that's what you want."

Kyo jerked away from her and stood. "What part of I'm leaving did you fail to understand? I can barely stand to look at you! The only woman I have ever seen myself having children with has already given me a son. I want nothing more to do with you!" He stooped down to pick up his bags and headed for the door.

// So why deny that you and I lead different lives
The rivers from your eyes can't change my mind //

"Fine! Go back to your American whore! What makes her so much better than me anyway?!" she cried furiously.

He tensed at the whore comment but quickly recovered and turned his placid gaze on her. "Everything."

Knowing there was nothing more to say, he left the apartment and didn't look back. Hitomi stood staring at the door long after he left, the chill of her rancour seeping into her bones leaving her bereft.

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In the early morning light, a car dropped a man off at the end of a long driveway. He slowly made his ascent, his feet feeling more like lead with every step he took. Steeling himself, Kyo took a deep breath and knocked firmly on Jae's door.