Aberrance

*walks in sheepishly* Sorry for the delay guys. I went and saw our boys on the 18th in Pontiac, MI and they all unknowingly gave me a swift kick in the ass and inspired me so I could finish up this chapter. Let's see...italicized lyrics aren't mine..they're from the song Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse, which was obviously a big inspiration for this chapter. This one is a long one, it was 14 pages hand-written *headdesk* so I hope you guys enjoy it! Reviews are love and might help me out with the whole updating thing ;)

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Kaoru watched, mesmerized, as soft rays of sunlight danced across Jae's face. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple. She stirred slightly and shifted closer to him in her sleep, causing him to smile and hug her to himself. She curled into him and then stretched languidly, her arms moving back to wrap around his neck as she placed a kiss just below his jaw. Her eyes flickered open just in time to see his own eyes flutter closed as he bent to give her a good morning kiss. She smiled against his lips causing him to smile and they both broke apart laughing. He gave her a boyish grin and blinked tiredly. That was when she noticed his eyes, bloodshot and raw. She frowned and turned in his arms so she was facing him.

"Kao, you look like you haven't slept a wink!"

"I didn't...couldn't," he replied softly. When she gave him a confused look, he simply sighed and shook his head. "You'll understand soon enough."

He placed a quick kiss to her forehead and rolled away from her, slipping his boxers on and hastily moving out of the bedroom and down the hall towards the bathroom. Jae stared after him for several minutes trying to figure out what he was referring to but she eventually gave up, threw on some lounge pants and a tank top, and headed downstairs to get a cup of coffee.

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Tristan had just taken his first sip of coffee when there was a knock at the door. He set his cup down on the counter and nonchalantly opened the door. When he raised his eyes, he was met with the sight of his father standing on the porch holding two suitcases.

"Dad..." His voice lifted slightly at the end of the word, as though he couldn't believe Kyo was really standing there.

"Hello son." He smiled nervously at the young man, not sure whether he would be welcomed or not, given their last encounter was less than pleasant. Tristan's eyes widened and he opened his mouth as though he were going to say something but quickly shut it again and pushed open the other door so that Kyo could come inside. "Thank you," he said quietly as he looked around the kitchen uncomfortably. He suddenly became acutely aware that perhaps he had caused permanent damage in a relationship that never even had the chance to be explored. Over the last month, he had fleeting thoughts of what his behavior was doing to all of them, but now the fear that he had pushed Tristan too far away was real. As soon as that particular thought entered his mind, he found himself enveloped in a hug. He let out a deep sigh of relief and dropped his bags, his arms securing themselves around Tristan's waist and hugging him tightly.

"Daddy..." Tristan managed to get out in a strangled voice, as he started crying against Kyo's shoulder while clinging to him fiercely.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here now and I always will be," he said, as his own eyes misted over with unshed tears.

Jae walked into the kitchen and the sight that met her eyes caused her heart to swell and shatter at the same time. Kyo looked up at her and her breath hitched in her throat. Though his gaze never wavered, he must have loosened his grip on Tristan because the boy moved back and turned to look at his mother. He gave her the brightest smile and moved out of the way even more, content to watch everything from the sidelines. Kyo and Jae continued staring at each other across the room and Kyo was reminded of the night he found out Tristan was his son.

// A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay //

He remembered every harsh word, the anger coursing through him fueling his need to make her hurt, to wound her the way she did him. Her body shaking with sobs as she pleaded with him to hear her out. He knew he had no right to be here, he didn't deserve her but he had to try. He had to make her understand that he needed her like he needed air to breathe.

// I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes //

Jae swallowed past the lump in her throat and finally found her voice. "Sorry...I didn't mean to interrupt." She turned quickly and moved to walk out of the room, trying to hold her tears in until she made it upstairs to her bedroom. A strong, warm hand grabbing her own stopped her hasty departure.

"Stay," came the soft, smooth voice from behind her.

She shut her eyes tightly to try and rid them of the tears she knew were there and then opened them again as she slowly turned to face Kyo. She looked into his eyes and saw his love for her shining in their depths. She could always tell what he was feeling just by looking in his eyes. He reached for her, tentatively pulling her into a hug. Her arms latched themselves around his shoulders and she buried her face in his neck, deeply inhaling the scent she could only describe as Kyo. This man was home.

// But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over //

He sighed against her shoulder and lightly brushed it with his lips as his arms tightened their hold on her. He felt her body shake before he felt the wetness of her tears on his neck. He rubbed her back soothingly and gently pulled away just enough so he could look her in the eyes.

"You've shed too many tears on my account," he said softly.

He moved his hands up to brush them away but Jae beat him to it. She nodded in response to his statement as she wiped her face with the backs of her hands. How many times had this happened because of him? How often did she hurt, only to be left to deal with the pain on her own? He knew that she tended to her wounds in private, far away from the prying eyes of everyone, all while carrying them through their own grief. That's just the type of person she was. He realized now how deeply he had wounded her, and the way she hurt him unintentionally suddenly paled in comparison and he felt like a fool. He was absolutely disgusted with himself for doing this to her. He searched for a way to articulate his remorse, but all words escaped him.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled lamely.

Jae cupped his face in her hands and tilted his head up, forcing him to look her in the face. She was gazing upon him softly. He knew this look. It was the look of forgiveness.

// She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me" //

There was only one other time this look was bestowed upon him, and it meant as much to him now as it did back then. His mind drifted back to that day.

******FLASHBACK******

Three days. It had been three whole days since Tooru and Jae had last spoken a word to each other. Those three days had felt like an eternity to him. He felt cold without her light to warm him. He stole a glance across the hallway to her shut door. He thought back to what had triggered his anger, which really wasn't even directed at her, but she bore the brunt of it anyway.

He was on his way to class when he saw Jae standing in the hallway talking to none other than Shinji Hamana. The bastard looked so smug while he was flirting with her and it made Tooru's blood boil. He had finally come to terms with the fact that his feelings for Jae extended well beyond that of friendship, but his fear of rejection kept him from voicing them to her. Now here was Shinji, the one guy he hated more than anyone, flirting with his Jae. Shinji was everything that Tooru wasn't; popular, attractive, outgoing. He was also a self-absorbed prick who enjoyed making fun of Tooru whenever the opportunity presented itself. What the hell was Jae doing talking to him? He watched as Shinji took her books and put them under his arm and offered his other arm to her. She linked her arm with his as they walked to their next class. Tooru's heart dropped into his stomach as his eyes followed their retreating backs until they disappeared from sight.

During the course of the day, all Tooru could think about was how he would more than likely lose Jae to Shinji. After all, he had so much more to offer her. Tooru had no illusions about himself. Most people thought he was weird, so he was more of a social outcast than anything. Jae deserved so much more than he could ever hope to be. He sighed and lumbered out of his seat as class was dismissed. He walked outside and saw Jae waiting for him at their spot. She gave him a small smile as he walked up to her but he found himself unable to return it. He walked past her and missed the look of confusion on her face.

"Tooru?"

He closed his eyes as her sweet voice floated on the wind to his ears and turned to look at her expectantly.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly.

Concern was written all over her pretty face. Then he remembered her being with Shinji earlier today.

"Nothing. Let's go home," he replied gruffly as he turned back around and started walking.

"Nishimura obviously doesn't know how to treat a girl. Why don't you let me give you a ride home Jae?" Shinji said smoothly as he walked up and gestured towards the car that was waiting to take him home.

"No that's okay Shinji, I can walk. Tooru and I always walk home together."

"I hate to be the one to point this out, but Nishimura doesn't look like he's walking anywhere with you. Look how far away he is. He's being very rude if you ask me. Please, I insist that you let me take you home."

Tooru had had enough. He turned and stalked back over to Jae and grabbed her hand with more force than was necessary and pulled her away from Shinji. "She said she'd walk Hamana. How many other ways would you like her to say no before it finally sinks in?" he all but growled.

Shinji smirked and grabbed Jae's free hand and brought it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on it. "Have a good weekend Jae, I'll see you in class Monday," he said suavely. Jae smiled and nodded. Shinji turned his gaze on Tooru and sneered, satisfied with himself for getting a rise out of the other boy. Tooru glared back at him and tugged on Jae's hand, pulling her in the direction of home.

"Tooru, stop!" You don't have to drag me behind you!" Jae exclaimed after several minutes of being pulled down the sidewalk at a ridiculously fast pace. He flung her hand backwards and continued walking.

"What the hell is wrong?!" she yelled once they were in the house.

He spun on his heel and glared at her. "Why were you talking to that asshole?!" he yelled back.

"He wanted to walk me to class. I couldn't exactly refuse, that would have been rude."

"I saw you two in the hallway," he said in an accusatory tone.

"He was just being nice, Tooru. I don't see what the big deal is."

"The big deal is that he and I hate each other! He loves to make fun of me! He's a prick! I don't want you hanging around him, he'll ruin you."

Her eyes flashed angrily. "I will hang out with whomever I please!"

"Fine! Go hang out with him then! But don't think I'm gonna stick around while you do it!" He turned and ran upstairs towards his room, completely missing the hurt look on her face.

That was where it ended. He felt like a jerk for trying to dictate to her whom she could and couldn't socialize with. He figured that was probably a last ditch effort to make her stay. A lot of good that did, he thought bitterly. His only consolation was that she didn't hang out with Shinji, in fact, she seemed to be avoiding him like the plague. He climbed off his bed and padded across the hall and knocked on her door.

"Come in," came the quiet reply.

He opened the door and saw her sitting at her desk doing homework. She looked up at him and set her pencil down, turning in her chair to face him. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down, at a loss of what to say. He heard her get up and then she was in front of him, pulling him into a hug.

"Please don't go," she whispered.

He quickly removed his hands from his pockets and squeezed her to himself. She sounded so broken and he was the reason why. "I'm not going anywhere," he finally whispered back. He paused and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you too."

"Do you forgive me?"

She pulled back to look at him. "I would forgive you anything Tooru, you know that," she answered with a smile.

"It's just...Shinji made me mad. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"Tooru, it's okay, really. I understand. But just so you know I'm not interested in him. He's a conceited jerk." She made a face of disgust which made Tooru smile just a little. "But if you don't mind me asking, what exactly made you so mad?"

"Well...it's just...you're my best friend and I'd hate for you to end up with someone like him, that's all."

"Tooru..." she drawled warningly.

"Fine! I like you, okay? A lot more than I should." He flushed and looked down, suddenly finding his feet very interesting.

"Tooru, look at me."

He looked up and her brown eyes were soft and warm upon him. He stared at her, dreading the next words that he was sure would fall from her lips.

"I like you a lot more than I should, too."

He blinked slowly, thinking he had heard her wrong. "What?" he asked densely.

"I said I like you too."

She smiled again, but this was a different smile, the one that brightened her whole face and warmed his heart. This was the smile she reserved only for him, the one he had claimed the day they had met. Yes, this was his smile, not Shinji Hamana's or anyone elses, and he loved her all the more for it. A genuine smile lit his face as he hugged Jae to himself and lifted her, spinning them in circles. She giggled and clung to his shoulders as happiness once again overtook them.

******END FLASHBACK******

He broke from his reverie and saw her looking at him expectantly. "Sorry... I got lost in the past." She smiled and nodded knowingly, as if she knew exactly which memory he was recalling.

By this time, everyone was out of bed and slowly making their way to the kitchen. Axelle was the first to arrive.

"KYO!" She exclaimed.

Die, who was sleepily following her, looked up wide-eyed. "Kyo?!"

Axelle marched over to him. "It's about time you got here!" she said, poking him in the chest after every word.

Kyo winced and rubbed the spot where she had poked him. "Sorry Ash," he said with a chuckle.

Die shook Kyo's hand and pulled him into a hug. "You've gotta watch out for that poking finger, it's vicious!" he whispered seriously, then drew back giving the younger man a smirk, before moving around him towards the coffee pot. Shinya padded quietly into the room and gave Kyo a knowing smile. Toshiya stumbled in shortly after, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He ran right into Kyo and lurched backwards. He looked down at the diminutive man and squinted.

"Kyo? Is that you?"

Kyo smirked and bit back a laugh. "Yeah Tosh, it's me."

Toshiya nodded sleepily and patted him on the head as he walked by. "Thought so," he murmured as he stifled a yawn.

Tristan couldn't stop smiling as he looked around the room, surrounded by people he'd come to view as family. Then he noticed someone very important was missing and his smile faltered. "Mom, where's Kao?"

"I don't know. He was getting in the shower when I came down. I better go check on him," she replied as she headed towards the stairs.

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Kaoru was perched on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. That was how Jae found him. She walked over and placed her hand gently on top of his head. He looked up at her with a sadness in his eyes that she wasn't accustomed to seeing. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer so he could press his face into her stomach. She bent down and kissed his hair and wrapped her arms about his shoulders, cocooning him in an embrace. She felt him draw in a ragged breath and pushed him up gently and sat down on his lap sideways. She knew what was wrong now. He was afraid that she would discard him like trash now that Kyo was back. She ran the tips of her fingers along his jaw and he closed his eyes, seemingly appeased by her touch. She opened her mouth to speak and he must have sensed it because his eyes shot open.

"Please don't say anything," he whispered hoarsely.

"Not even that I love you?" she asked quietly.

"Especially not that," he lamented.

She bent her head down and kissed him softly and nuzzled her nose against his. "But I do."

He tightened his hold on her and buried his face in her neck. "Kyo and Tristan need your love more than I do."

She stroked his forearm lightly. "Tristan and I have come to care for you very much. You're the closest thing to a father he has ever known. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"It means everything to me, which is why I need to do what's best for both of you and let go."

She sighed against his hair. "Why don't all three of us sit down and talk about this later? Can you do that before jumping the gun?" He nodded solemnly. "Good. Now let's get downstairs. Tristan was worried when you didn't come down."

They stood and Jae laced her fingers with his as they walked downstairs. He gave her hand a quick squeeze before letting it go as he plastered a smile on his face and went out to greet Kyo. It hurt her more than he could ever know to recognize that his smile was fake.

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Later that evening, everyone was getting ready for bed and Kyo walked into the living room to settle in for the night, only to find Kaoru putting sheets and a blanket on the couch.

"What are you doing?" he asked the older man curiously.

"Go upstairs with Jae. It's where you belong," he replied without turning around.

"Kao...Jae is your girlfriend. I don't expect you to give her up just because I'm here," he replied patiently. When Kaoru didn't respond, he let out an exasperated sigh and moved to stand in front of him, gently pushing him backwards towards the doorway.

"Kyo..."

"No, Kaoru. Get up there...now," he responded in a tone that left no room for argument.

"You're supposed..." Kaoru stopped when he felt a hand on the small of his back.

"Kao, are you coming to bed?"

He turned and saw Jae standing behind him in her robe and she gave him a serene smile.

"He was just on his way up, Jae," Kyo replied, and the warning tone in his voice wasn't lost on Kaoru.

"Ok then. Goodnight Kyo. Sleep well," Jae answered with a smile.

"You guys, too."

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As Jae lay curled up against Kaoru with his nose buried against her neck, she realized with a stab of guilt that he was right and it was selfish of her not to let him go. Her heart would always lie with the man sleeping downstairs, and it was high time she came to accept that indelible truth and quit trying to delay the inevitable.


A/N: Sorry about the insanely long flashback scene. I originally tried to just summarize what happened but I didn't like how it turned out so I went back and wrote it in vivid detail instead. There were a couple of other songs that inspired me during this chapter. The flashback scene was inspired by My Heartstrings Come Undone by Demon Hunter and the parts with Kaoru and Jae towards the end of the chapter were inspired by Can't Smile by Vex Red. Thank you and goodnight :D Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!!