Aberrance

Hey everybody! Sorry for the delay but you should all be used to my erratic and random updates by now :) I wanted to take the time to thank everyone who reviewed. Um...the majority of this chapter was inspired by the song Q (The Best One of Our Lives) by Evans Blue. The sex scene (which I'm warning you all now is a bit different from what I usually write) was inspired by Closer to Ideal by D'espairsray. Kaoru's reflection was inspired by Longing by Gackt. I think that's about all...enjoy! Please review!

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Jae cautiously slid out of bed so as not to disturb Kaoru. She crept down the stairs, coming to a stop at the doorway of the living room. The sight that greeted her eyes caused her to smile. Apparently, Kyo had fallen asleep with the light on. Her eyes were drawn to him like a moth to a flame. His arm was draped across his face, shielding his eyes from the light. Her gaze moved downward, over his well-defined chest and abdomen, and came to a halt at the lounge pants that hung dangerously low on his hips. While appreciating his form, a breathy sigh escaped her lips. Kyo's other arm moved up and stretched out towards her, his hand extended.

"Come lay with me," he said softly.

Jae stood rooted to the spot, staring at his outstretched hand. Not hearing any movement, Kyo sat up on his elbows and turned to her, blinking a few times as his eyes adjusted to the light. Her feet carried her to him of their own volition. She sat down between his legs and he smiled as he laid back down, pulling her with him. She maneuvered around so that she was laying on her stomach on top of him, her head resting on his shoulder. He pressed his lips to her forehead and fingered a lock of her hair. From there, his arm moved down and wrapped around her waist. She cuddled closer to him and nuzzled his neck with her nose. His entire body seemed to hum in contentment.

"I've missed you...us...like this," he said after a time.

"Me too."

"I'm sorry..."

She sat up and silenced him with a finger to his lips. "No more apologizing or regretting our past mistakes. We should just be satisfied with the knowledge that we've learned from them."

He nodded his assent and bit her fingertip playfully. She laughed and shoved at his chest. He couldn't resist the urge to kiss her. He brushed his lips against hers softly, tentatively at first. As soon as he attempted to deepen the kiss, she abruptly pulled away.

"Kyo, we can't do this," she said with a sigh. He stared at her for a moment before he pulled her back down to lay against him. Drawing in a deep breath, he exhaled into her hair.

"I know. It's so hard for me to not have you all to myself. When we were younger, I never had to share you with anyone. I'm just not used to it. What makes this even worse is that Kaoru is my friend and every time I touch you or look at you part of me feels like a horrible person."

"I feel the same way, which is why this has to stop. We can't keep hurting him like that, he deserves better from both of us." She paused and looked towards the stairs. "I should go back to bed." He hugged her quickly before his arms relinquished their hold. She got up slowly and moved to turn the lamp off.

"It's okay I'll get it. I need to get a drink of water anyway." She veered towards the doorway and out into the hall, conscious of his eyes on her the entire time.

She climbed the stairs slowly, the guilt and pain engaged in a brutal tug-o-war with her heart. Upon entering the bedroom, she carefully laid back down. Almost instantly, Kaoru's arms wrapped themselves around her and pulled her back into the warmth of his body.

"Everything okay?" he murmured sleepily.

Jae's heart twisted painfully in her chest. "Yeah, I was just having trouble sleeping."

"Mm. Well I'm glad you're back. I missed you." He buried his face in her neck and inhaled.

"I missed you too," she whispered, and she meant it. She felt his body stiffen and suddenly his warmth was gone. "Kao? What's wrong?" She sat up and turned just as he turned the lamp on. His eyes were hard and his jaw was set.

"You smell like Kyo," he said in an accusatory tone.

"He was awake when I went downstairs." She mentally ran through all the scenarios that she thought up in her head for the way that Kaoru would react if he ever found out about her and Kyo. In not one of them did he get as angry as he looked right now. She cursed the sheer idiocy of her mind. Of course he would be angry.

"That doesn't explain why you smell like him," he replied, his voice acerbic.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "We were laying together on the couch." The sound of a drawer being opened caused her eyes to snap open. "What are you doing?" she asked in a shaky voice.

"I thought that much was obvious, I'm packing," he said tonelessly without turning around to face her.

She launched out of bed and reached for his arm. "Kao...please..."

"Don't touch me," he growled, as he wrenched his arm out of her grasp.

She shrank back from the harshness of his voice and watched as he furiously threw things into his suitcase. She couldn't let him leave, not like this. "Kao..." she began, but her voice sounded so small and unsure to her own ears that she couldn't finish. The change in her tone didn't go unnoticed by Kaoru either. He braced his hands on the armoire and took a deep breath before he turned to face her.

"I have to leave," he said as evenly as he could through his anger. It was as if all the air was sucked from Jae's lungs by that one statement. She sank to her knees in front of him.

"No," she whispered in agony. She knew that losing him would hurt but if he walked out that door now, she would also lose him as a friend. The idea of that was unbearable. They had been through so much together and she couldn't imagine her life without him in it.

"You love Kyo; I have no place here," he said bluntly, trying to look anywhere but at her.

"I love you both!" she wailed. She looked up at him from her spot at his feet, and the tears started rolling down her face. She knew that she was dealing with the logical side of Kaoru now, the one that thought feelings clouded ones ability to reason. She had to choose her words carefully. "Do you honestly believe that after all we've been through that I would feel absolutely nothing but platonic love for you? That someone as wonderful and genuine as you wouldn't captivate me in the most amazing way? Yes it's true I love Kyo, but I love you too. Before all of this happened, I didn't believe it was possible to love two people equally. While I love you both in different ways and for different reasons, the amount of love I hold for you is the same. I know that given the circumstances, it's selfish of me to want you to stay, but deep inside I know if you walk out that door there's going to be an emptiness inside of me that no one will ever be able to fill." Kaoru stared down into her tear-stained face and his heart gave a nervous lurch in his chest. No one had ever said anything so...beautiful to him in his entire life. His mind protested, yelling at him not to be swayed by words and to consider Jae's actions; running off in the middle of the night to lay with his friend. For once, he found himself completely ignoring his brain. Suddenly, he lifted Jae from the floor and placed her on the bed.

"You're still mine," he said smoothly, but there was a glint of possessiveness in his eyes. He laid down, covering her body with his, and kissed her soundly. When she moved her arms to wrap them around him, he grabbed her hands and held them above her head with one of his own. His lips moved down and roughly sucked on her neck. "Tell me you're mine," he whispered gruffly into her ear.

"I'm yours," she responded automatically. He growled and bit down hard on her neck in response, causing her to cry out, then he gently laved the spot with his tongue. His free hand slid down her side and grabbed her thigh, pulling her leg up over his waist. He ground his growing arousal into her, and continued biting and licking her neck. She squirmed underneath him.

"Kao, please..."

When he lifted his head to look at her his expression was guarded. "Please, what?" The man in bed with her wasn't her Kaoru. She didn't even know what to say to him. She cast her gaze downward.

"I don't know," she said quietly. He grabbed her chin more roughly than necessary and forced her to look up at him.

"Don't worry Jae, I know what you want even if you can't say it. I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll forget your own name." The smirk that appeared on his face was predatory and didn't seem to fit well with his features. In fact, it looked wholly out of place. No, this was definitely not her Kaoru. She wasn't afraid, she knew no matter what he would never hurt her. But she'd be lying if she said she wasn't uneasy.

He sat up long enough to rip Jae's clothes off, shortly followed by his own. His teeth bit into the tender flesh of one of her tits while his left hand roughly squeezed the other, plucking her nipple harshly. His mouth clamped down on her nipple, biting it hard and scraping his teeth over it when he pulled up. One of his tattooed arms snaked between their bodies and he slid a slim digit into her pussy, thrusting in and out quickly.

"Tell me how much you want me," he growled out. A soft mewl was the only response he got. "Tell me, I want to hear you say it," he demanded harshly, as he landed a sharp smack to one of her tits. She moaned softly and arched into him. He plunged another finger into her pussy. "I don't hear anything," he said in a warning tone.

"Kaoru please! I need you to fuck me!" she whimpered.

He smirked. "That's much better." He pulled his fingers out of her pussy and held them up to her lips. She slid her tongue out to lick them off and he shook his head as he thrust them into her mouth. She sucked her juices from his fingers and he watched her, eyes dark and glowing with lust. He left the bed and came back with one of her silk scarves in his hand. Before she could ask what he was doing, he had her hands tied together and bound to the headboard. He knelt between her spread legs and bent down, giving her pussy one languid lick. "Mmm you taste so good. It's me who made you this way, so wet and eager to be fucked. It's me who's going to fulfill that need. Never forget that." His eyes glittered dangerously as he plunged his cock deep into her. She cried out and bucked her hips up to him. He laid down over her as he continued thrusting hard and deep. He kissed her roughly and reached up and squeezed her tit, slapping it every so often. "Do you want me to stay?" he panted in her ear.

"Yes," she replied.

"Say it," he snarled

"I want you to stay with me."

He groaned into her ear. "Yes," he hissed against her neck as he bit her earlobe and sat back up on his knees. Grabbing her hips, he started pounding in and out of her roughly, the headboard slamming into the wall from the force of his thrusts. Jae moaned and wrapped her legs around his waist. "You're mine!" he roared.

"Mm yes I'm yours Kao, all yours." He made a noise that was a mix between a groan and a growl and gave one deep thrust, holding it once he was fully sheathed in her. He stared down at her for a long moment.

"Lift your legs straight up in the air and cross them at the ankles," he instructed. After she did, he slowly slid out of her and then back in with a groan. He repeated the slow thrusts a few more times and then wrapped his arms around her legs and began to piston his hips. "Mine, mine, mine, mine," he growled possessively after each forceful thrust.

"Oh god Kao I'm gonna come!"

"Fuck yes! Come for me, come hard all over my cock!" He smacked her ass hard as he pounded into her relentlessly. She moaned loud and arched up off the bed as she came. Kaoru continued fucking her mercilessly through her orgasm until he reached his own, a low growl escaping his lips as he emptied himself into her. He pulled out of her and freed her hands in one swift movement before getting out of bed and leaving the room.

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Jae stared vacantly at the doorway long after Kaoru walked through it. She curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed and finally let the tears fall. Her first thought was to run downstairs to Kyo, where he would cocoon her in his arms and make her feel safe as he always did. Her body shook with silent sobs when she came to the realization that Kyo couldn't shield her from this. He didn't have the power to make it go away, only Kaoru did. The only way they could fix this was between the both of them. She shivered and waited for Kaoru to come walking back through that door. She just hoped that if and when he did, that he would be her Kao again, and that he would be the one to hold her and make everything alright.

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Kaoru stood under the spray of the shower, letting the water sluice over his body, his hands braced on the wall in front of him. His anger had abated and left him in the wake of what he had done because of it. All he could remember was the look on Jae's face when he said he was leaving. Her usually warm brown eyes tainted with hurt and...fear? What he did next was reprehensible. Even after she told him she loved him and practically begged him to stay, he still punished her. Something inside of him snapped and made him feel the need to stake his claim, to mark her as his. He scoffed at the notion that at the time he really felt like he had to prove that to Kyo. How utterly ridiculous. Kyo was his friend, not some thief in the night secretly plotting to steal Jae away from him. He shook his head and sighed as he turned the water off. Grabbing a towel, he dried off and wrapped it around his waist and walked back to the bedroom.

He stood in the doorway watching Jae sleep. He quietly moved into the room and put on a pair of boxers. Turning to face Jae again, he winced when he noticed the dark purple marks on her neck and breasts. His eyes moved to her face and took note of the tear tracks still visible there. That was twice tonight he had made her cry. His hands involuntarily balled into fists at his sides. He was so angry at himself for his reactions. He unclenched his fists and brought his hand up to trail a finger down her face. She shifted and opened her eyes, looking up at him. She instantly sat up, moving slightly away from him. He cursed himself for her skittish response.

"Can I lay down with you?" he asked hoarsely. She looked up at his face again and noticed how forlorn he looked, all of the anger gone from his eyes. She pulled the covers back and scooted over to give him room to slide in next to her. After he did, he took her hand gently. "I'm so sorry for earlier, I'm especially sorry for those," he said as he gestured to the marks he left on her. She was quiet for so long that he thought she wasn't going to respond.

"I love you," she said softly. Kaoru looked up into her face to see her looking back at him, her eyes soft and warm. There was a pregnant pause in which they both just stared at each other.

"I love you too," he finally replied. She smiled and reached up to caress his face. He leaned into her touch. He wanted to wrap her in his arms but he held back, wanting to let her make the first move. Suddenly, she had curled up against his side, with one of her arms draped across his chest. As he wrapped his arms around her waist she leaned up and kissed him softly. He let out a contented sigh as she laid her head down on his shoulder. He pressed his lips gently to her forehead. "Why don't you get some rest?" he whispered against her temple. She yawned and snuggled closer to him.

"I was getting to it," she replied in a sleepy voice. He chuckled and tightened his hold on her ever so slightly and began tracing random patterns on the small of her back. The last thing Jae remembered before succumbing to sleep was feeling safe and warm in Kaoru's arms.