Right Kind Of Wrong

OK so she wants to met, That's nothing to freak out about. No need to panic, all she wants to do is meet up. Nothing important in that. So why am I freaking out, why do I want to jump from my moving car at 60mph. God I'm so horrible at this, really , I mean I should never be allowed out alone. But here I am driving to met her, setting myself up for another fall. I've got in to deep, I never should have went to that camp, I let my guard down and made myself human. I should me more like Simon, Oh god did I really just have that thought. Yea, that's left a bad taste in my mouth, but I should try to be more off handed. Take a step back and not be so friendly. That's it, I'll show up and be a professional.

The minute I pull into the car park of the hotel and see her leaning up against the wall I know my new professional attitude is out the window. She's far to cute for me to be anything but nice to her. I know I keep saying it but I'm screwed.

'I don't know who's more dramatic........you for running away or me for chasing you...........' She's smiling like she's joking but I'm not laughing.

'I'm not dramatic...............'That's right Kelly you pout and show her how cool you really are.

'Well maybe it's just me then..........' She says like an off handed comment. She's playing with her necklace but I don't know if that's nerves or habit. She doesn't look nervous. In fact I don't think I've seen her so relaxed before. I wish I could say the same about myself. I'm so nervous I want to throw up. Oh great now I'm thinking about throwing up with her standing in front of me. And by the look on her face I can tell that I must be screwing my face up in disgust.

'I think too much...........' I don't even know what that means.

'Your a weird little thing aren't you...............' She moves away from the wall and I follow. I follow her all the way into the hotel and past the front desk, I stand by her side as we wait for the elevator to come. I don't say anything, I just wait. Once inside the elevator I take a chance to look her over, she's in a tight black top with very skin tight jeans and I can't help but smile. And just as I'm letting myself enjoy the moment it hits me that I'm about to enter her hotel room. I'm actually going to be alone with her again, and she's looking like that.

Once inside the room I manage not to throw myself on the bed and beg her to take me. Can't say it was easy but I managed it.

'Do you drink?.,..............'Yea that's what I need, get drunk and make a complete fool of myself. This girl really is setting me up.

'I do.......but I won't.......'She accepts the answer and sits on the bed. Now what do I do, I can stand at the door for a quick get away. Or I can sit beside her on the bed and risk it. I pick the small dressing table chair in the corner, seems safe enough.

'You must think I'm crazy........' I don't know why I must think it but I don't question her. 'Laura is a sore point with me...........we were friends and she sold me out. She left and I was stuck there to deal with it all........My father's silence.......my mothers rants, hell even my sisters snide little remarks...........Laura left and I had to deal...............' It hits me how big this really is. It's not just a gay thing. Her whole family turned their back on her and made her the bad kid for doing something that should have been seen as brave. Sixteen and she made a move. Hell I was twenty before I could admit to anything, that was only to Simon. Actually doing something about it took a lot more courage and a lot of wine. At sixteen I wouldn't dream of thinking it let alone doing anything about it.

'Carrie are you gay?............'

''I don't believe in it..........'She's smiling. 'But I don't believe in aliens either. Does that mean they don't exist..........'She stands and leaves me alone in the room while she walks to the bathroom and closes the door. What the hell is she talking about?.