Baby Can I Hold You

'And please drive careful.....And Kelly if she gets tired make her pull over and stop, Don't have her falling asleep at the wheel. ' Carrie's older sister placed the last bag into the back of the car. She always hated saying goodbye to her little sister, With Carrie's career she never knew when she would see her again.



'Yeah yeah, she knows...and make sure I wash my hands after I use the bathroom.' Carrie tried her best to sound annoyed at her sister but the truth was she loved her sister for worrying so much about her. Kelly stood silently by the car watching the two sisters together. She wondered what her relationship with her own sister was like now. She had promised herself after she won Idol that she would spend more time with her family, she had a nephew she needed to know. Looking down at Elle who was also watching Carrie and her sister, the little girl looked almost sad.



'Baby what's wrong?' Kelly knelt down till she was face to face with Elle.



'Nothing mommy.' Elle tried her best to look happy but Kelly wasn't really falling for it.



'Are you sad cause we're leaving?' Elle shook her head. ' Then why are you sad baby... It's not good to be sad'



'Sure it is mommy....when you used to cry all the time you said sometimes it's good to be sad.' Kelly watched her daughter closely, she couldn't think why she would tell her daughter it's OK to be sad.



'Well baby I don't know why I said that but it's not OK to be sad....everyone should be happy......So try and be happy OK?' Kelly pulled Elle into a hug before kissing her head.



'You girls ready to go?' Kelly pulled back from the hug to see Carrie standing over her, she noticed the moment Carrie picked up Elle in her arms the little girl was smiling again.



After another round of hugs and kisses from Carrie's sister they were on the road to god knows where. Carrie had made it clear that she wouldn't be giving them any clues on where they would be staying all she said was Kelly would love it. Kelly had no choice but to believe Carrie, the blonde had been right about everything else so far. Between Elle singing in the back seat and Carrie pointing out sights along the way Kelly didn't feel the need to do anything, she just sat back and watched what was going on around her. She imagined this is what it felt like for a normal family going on a trip across country, she herself had only ever done it once with her own family. She remembered back to being six years old, sitting in the middle between her big sister and big brother. Her mother and father sitting up front. She remembers first getting into the car,feeling so safe squashed in the middle of her two favourite people. Because her siblings were a lot older than her Kelly can always remember them being like superhero's to her. They knew things she didn't and were always there to teach her them. It wasn't long after getting into the car Kelly remembers her mood changing, she noticed that her siblings weren't playing the usual car games. Her mother sat up front with her father not saying a word. Kelly at the age of six tried her best to fill the silence but was soon told by her father to keep quiet, that was then she knew something was wrong. By the time they pulled up into their street Kelly felt she had been in the car for forever. She can still see her father pulling all the bags out the back sitting them side by side on the front steps. She seeing him bending down and giving her a short kiss before telling her to be good. The last thing she remembers is watching her father and brother get back into the car and leave. She thought they were going to buy dinner or something but when dinner time came and went and night time approached Kelly knew her father and brother wouldn't be coming home again. It wasn't long after that her sister left too, again Kelly didn't know where or why she went. By the end it was just her mother and herself that was left,They went from a family of five to a family of two in a matter of weeks. It was then Kelly became an adult,to afraid to be a child any more. She thought if she behaved bad her mother would leave too. So instead of playing like a normal six year old Kelly developed a mature nature showing her mother she could be a good girl, Mommy's don't leave good girls she thought.



'Hey where have you gone?' Kelly felt Carrie's hand on her leg, pulling her out of her day dream.



' No where.....just thinking about childhood things' Kelly smiled as she felt Carrie's hand stay on her leg.



' Well stop it......Your childhood and Elle's couldn't be more different.' Kelly couldn't believe how aware Carrie really was.



' You think?'



'I know.....Elle doesn't want for anything.....You give her all she needs...so stop it.' Carrie moved her hand away and focused on driving again. Kelly turned her head to look at her daughter, she lay fast asleep in her car seat her little hands clutching onto her favourite teddy bear. She didn't know why she was having so many bad thoughts about her daughters childhood. For the past few days all she had worried about was if her daughter was OK, something inside her was making her think she wasn't.