Bless Me Father

okay..sorry for the mixup with the chapters I dunno how I deleted the first chapter...im a dink. lol...so heres chapter three

Chapter Three

It's wierd, but I felt some what lighter as I stepped through the shabby parking lot that early morning. Like finally admitting the problem to someone outloud had been the removal of some unseen burdon from my shoulders. Not that i'd exspected much else from him- no reply was necisarry, because the seed was planted with the words I'd spoke. He could see exactly what I'd meant and the bridge had been crossed. Not that it mattered so much- because now I'd achieved the objective. Had what I'd come to get and I was due back home.
Part of me hated that walk- long and boring down the cold streets alone. Not that there was much of a call for worry- not many people care to bother a strung out junkie going down the raod with a box full of needles. But the journey still seemed like a long ways.
Pausing for a second to stand in front of one of the parking lots many soda pop vending machines- jamming a few quaters into the slot. I wasn't thirsty. Far from it- something just caught my eye, told me I needed to do it. Call it a subconscious demand- but whatever it was I did it, staring at the clear plastic buttons trying to make my sellection.
"A Soda. It's just a soda Billy; Not the question to life, just pick." I told myself out loud- still staring at the buttons racking my brain on what I wanted.
"Hey!" I reconized the voice calling out to me. I'd like to tell you it surprised me- but it didn't. My eyes never even left those buttons.
"Which one?" I asked him still not even acknowledging the boy. But it was like I could feel his presense. I knew it was him. And after I asked there was a momentary pause as if he didn't quite understand. "Just tell me which one okay I can't pick- I have to do this.." I rattled to him pointing to the machines. I think that mostly had to do with me on drugs- inability to preform more than one mental task at a time. I had so many questions that had arose in the past 24 hours about him- But I couldn't keep a single one clear in thought.
"Sunkist is good." He offered as if still not seeing the relativity to my demand. Which was probably good- since there wasn't much of any.
I pressed the bright orange button seeing the tiny red 'vending' light flicker on, before the can itself came tumbling out of the machine.
"Thank you..." I muttered while bending down to retrieve the can from the alotted slot; now turning to face him, can in hand. "Sorry...sometimes I just can't decide." I told him with a shrug. And finally it dawned on me. Joel was standing no more than 3 feet from me. A bllue smock no longer covering him. I smiled taking in his appearance- slightly baggy clothes, badly worn tennis shoes. He was a mess, just like myself. I guess I was more attached to this boy than I could understand. He still looked considerably shaken- I guess from seeing me, or the memories I brought to him. But whatever it was I felt bad for the kid just the same.
"You thirsty?" I asked to him while holding the can out in his direction- a look of appreciation washing over him. The lightening of the mood made him feel relieved and I could tell. So I just smiled watching him pop the top of the soda can taking a rather large swig.
"You have no idea how thirsty I Was." He explained with a soft, unsure smile. I nodded my head. I knew I had stopped at that machine for a reason. "What's your name?" He finally got the guts to ask with a timid look in his eyes. It seemed like it'd been so long since any one had even cared to ask me that. Yet there he stood looking extremely interested in the answer.
"William..but you can call me Billy." I spoke up with a smile- offering him my god given name for the first time. I hated that name, but then I hated alot of things really.
"you need a ride?" He piped up randomly- my mind perked at the thought of it- not actually being subjected to walking all that way. The gesture catching me just alittle off gaurd- was he honestly offering me a ride somewhere?e An alterboy with quite an interesting life so it seemed.
"Aren't you working?" I questioned while raising an eyebrow inquizitivly. The answer was irrelivant- I'd take him up on the offer regardless, I didn't want to walk all that way. But he shook his head.
"No, no- I got off at 4."
Looking at my watch I smiled, 4:02 A.M.- What do you know, fate wasn't such a myth after all. So I just nodded my head- really still unsure of what to make of the boy; or this situation we'd found ourselves in. Silence insued once more as we made a beeline to his car- an old beat up black cadillac.
"you live close?" He asked once we'd made it from the stores parking lot. I almost wanted to laugh- he lived in this town, he knew just as well as I did the junkies lived in a part of town that was far - far away from the decent parts of society. Where rent was low, crime was high and boys like him didn't often visit.
"downtown...bay harbour." He of coarse made a small noticable gasp- while still trying to keep his eyes on the road.
"You...LIVE there?" He asked timidly- stating the action as if it were simply unheard of. Young, he came off as very young to me. Not necisarrily niave- because that wasnt the case, but perhaps just very sheltered. Poor boy, I remember thinking.
"Sometimes...I'm never really one place for very long. But what does it matter? Its a roof..." I stated lazily, as if there were little concern over the area. And it was true- I had no concern for my life or what happened to me- what the fuck did I care about where I laid my head. "Does that bother you?"
"No. It's okay. I don't mind. It's just- you..look too decent of a person to stay in that place, that's all." He confessed whole heartedly with a crooked smile. I liked that smile, the innosense seemed to shine through in that smile.
"Joel...how old are you?" I questioned to him out of curiosity, in part to confirm what I'd originally thought.
"I'm 17...why?" A baby still, young and uneducated in the way the world worked.
"Life isn't always so pretty and perfect...I'm thinking you're a smart kid- you should know this. And sometimes we make due with what's close. A roof is a roof when all you need is a cover to do your drugs in."
"You sure aren't shy about it are you?" A brave question from such a timid boy. But never the less I shrugged my shoulders.
"Why? there's no popint in trying to act any better than I am. I'm a drug addict- that's what I do. So why try to sugar coat it? There's no sense in doing things that bring you shame. I have no regrets about my life. Because you can't live in regret." I told him honestly- eyeing the road from the passenger's side window. I realized how all- knowing the comment had come out, so I wouldnt have been surprised id he'd of laughed at me- who was I to be giving words of wisdom?
"It's so funny how the people who we count out in life as useless- always seem to have the most prolific things to say." He thought to say a statement that pleased me- mentally he wasn't close-minded. A trait I personally adored. He had common sense.
"Oh- do enough smack and you'll have alot of stuff to say too." I rationalized to him trying to down play the semi-compliment. I never was too vain a person. But again- a surprize to me the boy just shook his head.
"I can just tell you're a very smart man, regardless of some drug."
"Oh really? I'd certainly say you're the first person to think something like that." I confessed. for some reason I felt relaxed around him- because someone with so much going wrong in his own life- would never think to judge someone else's life.
"Maybe I'm just the only person who's ever bothered to try to understand." Yet another thoughtful answer on his part. I had to give the guy credit- he certainly was no average teenager.
"You got an awful lot on your plate to be saying something like that, wouldn't you say?" I asked in all honesty. Because it was true. I had only one point of view into his situation, and I could still see- his life was complicated even more than mine perhaps. So why would he even bother to be nice to me, unless.."You think Im going to tell on you or something? You and those religious activities of yours?" I asked him rather amused, just trying to understand exactly what angle he was trying to play. Instantly he shook his head and I could tell that was the furthest thing from his mind. I felt it- the whole time, what he was really searching to find in me. Companionship.
"Haven't you ever just needed a friend?" Was his honest reply. And I could feel my heart go out to him- because I of all people understood that urge completely.
"More than you know." I agreed as his care finally pulled up into the apartment complex's tiny asphalt parking lot. I pointed to my door- the tiny plastic numbers had long since fallen off and been hung with grey strips of duct tape. Home sweet home.
I bit my bottom lip looking to the door and then once more at his lonesome face.
"Do you want to come inside...and hang out?"
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