Aberrance

Kyo's happy mood quickly diminished as the car he was traveling in neared its destination. It's not that he wasn't happy about seeing Jae again, he was just also very nervous. That annoying lump had formed in his throat and a knot had formed in the pit of his stomach. Jae didn't hate him so why was he filled with an overwhelming amount of anxiety? He knew he still felt guilty about not staying in touch with her, but as far as he could tell she wasn't upset with him about it. He wrung his hands together as the car stopped in front of a rather large house. He thanked the driver and stepped out of the car. He simply stood at the end of the long driveway admiring the house for a few moments before he finally snapped out of it. Sticking his hands in his pockets he slowly began his ascent up the driveway.
Jae sat in the den, nervously chain smoking. She mentally cursed herself for being such a wreck as she was lighting up yet another cigarette after barely having finished the last one. She raked a pale hand through her shoulder length red hair and heaved a sigh. A million questions were plaguing her mind. Is Kyo going to brush me off like before? Why did he brush me off? Why is he so nervous around me? How am I going to tell him about Tristan? That was the million dollar question, and the one that was giving her the most grief. After being apart for so long, she didn't feel it was right to just dump on him the fact that he has a fifteen year old son whom he knows nothing about. Besides, they had some catching up to do. The man she met back at the club was like a stranger to her. That bothered her..a lot. Kyo was her best friend, but now it seemed they were so far from that she feared they may never get it back. She shook her head. She didn't want to think that way, even if it was her nature to be pessimistic. She preferred to think she was realistic. In her mind, if you dont get overly excited about the way you hope something is going to turn out then the blow of the letdown will be much easier to deal with. A knock at the door brought her out of her silent musings. She sucked in a breath. "Well its now or never" she said aloud to herself and went to answer the door.
With an unsteady hand, Jae reached for the doorknob. Calm down it's just Kyo, she told herself. Letting out a shaky breath she pulled the door open. The sight that greeted her reminded her so much of the first time they met so long ago. Kyo was standing on the porch, head down, hair covering his face, all the while fidgeting and staring at his hands as if there weren't anything more interesting in the world.

*FLASHBACK*

A six year old wide-eyed American girl surveyed her new surroundings with awe. Currently she was at her new school and it was recess time. She, being the new kid, was just standing around trying to take it all in. Her big brown eyes landed on a boy sitting off in the distance on a bench all by himself under a sakura tree. He looked very lonely sitting on that bench and she felt compelled to go sit with him. Biting on her lip she walked over and stopped in front of the boy. "Hi, I'm Jae." The boy didn't look up. He didn't even acknowledge her presence. "Hello? Are you okay?" Without even thinking, Jae sat down on the bench next to the boy. He visibly flinched a little and slowly turned his head to look at her. He sucked in a breath. She was pretty, very pretty. Her long red hair shone in the sunlight and filled him with an emotion he couldn't quite place. Her warm brown eyes were staring into his and she was smiling at him. It was the prettiest smile he had ever seen and it was directed at him, of all people. He started to wonder if she was an angel who had come down from heaven to take him away from this awful place. Then the angel spoke. "What's your name?"
The boy looked back down at his lap and quietly said "Tooru."
"It's nice to meet you Tooru, I'm Jae." The boy who called himself Tooru started swinging his legs back and forth.
"You have pretty hair. It shines in the sunlight". A blush crept onto his cheeks and Jae giggled at this before taking his hand in hers.
"Thank you." Tooru stared at his hand entwined with this angels who went by the name of Jae. For the first time in a very long time he felt truly happy. He looked up at her again.
"Do you want to be my friend?" he asked shyly.
"Of course I do, why do you think I came over here silly?" She smiled that pretty smile again and Tooru felt his heart do a flip flop.
"Do you want to go swing? I'll push you if you'd like."
"Sure let's go." The two walked hand-in-hand over to the swing set.

*END FLASHBACK*

"Jae? Hello earth to Jae?" Jae shook her head a little at the sound of her name being called and looked up into the concerned eyes of Kyo. "Are you okay?" She gave him an apologetic smile.
"God Kyo I'm so sorry about that. Please come in." She moved to the side so he could step into the house. She shut the door behind him and turned around and was quickly enveloped in a bone-crushing hug. Jae slid her arms around Kyo's shoulders and hugged him back tightly. Leaning down, she rested her head on his shoulder. She felt him take a deep breath and then he spoke.
"Jae I'm so sorry." Slowly lifting her head, she gave him a quizzical look.
"Sorry for what?". Kyo looked back at her like she had grown five heads.
"For everything. I'm such an asshole. I can't believe you even agreed to let me come over here after everything I've done to you."
"Kyo you haven't done anything to me, you don't need to apologize to me for anything." Kyo tightened his arms around her waist.
"Yes I do. Don't you remember that promise I made to you before I left? I promised you I would get in touch with you after I got settled. I promised Jae. And I broke that promise. It's a wonder you don't hate me. I know I would if I were you. I.." Jae silenced him with a finger to his lips. He glanced up at her and she took this opportunity to cup his face in her hands. For a moment, she just stood there staring deeply into his eyes. Then she spoke.
"Kyo, I could never hate you. You are my best friend and I love you probably more than you will ever know. Did you really think that breaking one promise to me could ever change that? There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, that would ever make me hate you. I would do anything for you even if it cost me my life and I hope you still know that. Was I sad that you didn't keep in touch? Of course. Did I worry about you more than was probably necessary? Yes. Was there ever a day that went by that I didn't think of you at least once? Not that I can recall. My point is that life doesn't always turn out the way you expect. Whatever your reason for not keeping in touch, I trusted it was a good one. I never questioned it and I certainly never hated you because of it." Clearing her throat she looked at him and was surprised to see his eyes had misted over. Giving him a small smile she cocked her head to the side. "I hope you didn't come all the way over here just to stand in my kitchen. Now c'mon, let's go sit in the den."
Kyo was sitting at the end of the couch with his arms around Jae, his hands clasped together around her waist. She was laying against him, legs bent at the knee but stretched out on the couch. Her head was resting against his upper torso and her arms were wrapped around his waist. For awhile they sat in silence, taking comfort in each others presence.
"I was scared" Kyo said suddenly.
"What?" Jae lifted her head off of his chest to look up at him.
"Earlier you said you trusted that I had a good reason for not keeping in touch. Well I didn't. I was just scared. I thought you might not like who I had become. I was so afraid that you would think my lyrics are disgusting or wrong. I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. I wouldn't have been able to handle it if you were. All I ever wanted was approval from you. Anything less would have been unacceptable to me. I stayed away because I was scared that your opinion of me wouldn't be what I had hoped for. I'm sorry. God Jae you have no idea how sorry I am." Before he could stop them, the tears started to fall. First one, then another, and yet another until they were cascading down his face. Jae tried to sit up so she could comfort him better but he held her still and cried into her hair. She was able to pull one of her hands from around his waist and reach up and softly pet his hair.
"Oh Kyo" she sighed.
She had no idea how long they sat like that but finally his sobbing died down to soft cries. Jae managed to sit up and she pulled him more closely to her and kissed the top of his head. She wiped away his tears.
"Do you remember earlier today when I told you that I was proud of you? I wasn't lying. You told me you were going to make something of yourself and you did. Not many people can say the same. Hell, my entire family is proud of you. You should hear the way Mom goes on about her little rockstar." Kyo chuckled a little at that. "Feel better now?" Kyo nodded and pulled her back into his arms hugging her tightly.
"I missed you so much you know that?"
"I missed you too."
Kyo sighed contentedly and kissed Jae's forehead. Jae snuggled into him more. "Youre making me sleepy" she said. He didn't need to see her face to know she was smiling. He felt his heart swell and he smiled in response. He was started to feel a bit tired himself so he closed his eyes.
Both Kyo and Jae were brought out of their light slumber by a very audible gasp that came from around the corner. Jae froze in Kyo's arms. Tristan, she thought. Kyo sat up a bit rubbing his eyes.
"What was that noise?"
Tristan wished he could crawl into a hole. If he screwed this up for his mom, he would never forgive himself. Still, he stayed perched at the bottom of the stairs, just out of sight. Jae sat up slowly. She took a deep breath trying to calm herself but to no avail. Kyo noticed the change in her immediately. She looked nervous and..sad? Jae took Kyo's hands in hers and looked up at him reluctantly.
"Kyo..there's something I have to tell you...um..."
The shrill ringing of Kyo's cell phone put an abrupt halt to Jae's confession. He swore under his breath and gave her an apologetic glance before digging it out of his pocket. He looked at the phone and then at Jae.
Knowing what he was thinking before he said anything Jae replied, "Go ahead and answer it." She was never one to eavesdrop, but a small part of her wanted to thank whoever it was on the other end that had just saved her ass. It wasn't that she didnt want to tell Kyo about Tristan, she just didn't want it to happen in such an ackward way. Jae never was one for spontaneity.If it wasn't planned out well it made her uneasy, like she didn't have control of the situation. After a few moments Kyo was done with his phone call. Jae looked at him expectantly and he returned it with another apologetic glance.
"I hate to do this , but I have to go. My girlfriend just called to see if I was planning on coming back to the hotel anytime soon". The scowl that followed that statement didn't go unnoticed by Jae but she decided to let it slide for now. She secretly hoped Tristan had went back to his room and missed out on the girlfriend part of their conversation. Little did she know he was still in the same spot except now his face was set in a deep frown. Sensing movement from the other room he quickly but quietly went to the top of the staircase. Soon the sight of his mother and Kyo standing at the bottom of the stairs came into view. It was almost pitch black but Kyo swore he could make out the outline of a person standing at the top of the stairs. He turned to look at Jae.
"Is there someone standing up there?" Jae tilted her head up and could immediately make out the outline of her son.
"That's what I was trying to tell you earlier. Kyo...that's my son, Tristan."
"Oh" was his only response.
"Tristan, don't be rude, say hello."
"Hello Kyo-san."
"Hello Tristan." Kyo moved around a bit trying to make out some facial features on the boy but it was just too dark.
"Sorry, he's a little shy" Jae said.
"I didn't mean to startle you earlier, but I heard voices coming from downstairs. It isn't often my mom has late-night visitors."
"It's alright, that shows you watch out for her. It's a good thing." Kyo gave the boy a small smile though he wasn't sure if he could even see it. He turned to Jae. "Are you hiding a husband up there too?" he laughed a little.
"No, I'm not married" she said in a small, soft tone. He was inwardly relieved at her response, but at the same time the tone she used made him uneasy. It sounded far too sad to belong to her. The sound of a horn out front pulled him away from his thoughts.
"I guess I should get going now. It was nice to meet you Tristan. I hope we can meet again sometime, preferably when I can see who I'm talking to." He smiled again.
"Goodnight Kyo-san."
"Please just call me Kyo. I've known your mother for years, there's no need to be so formal." And with that Jae and Kyo headed towards the door.
Kyo regarded Jae while they were standing by her door in complete silence. He sensed a change in her ever since he heard Tristan gasp earlier. Trying to push the thought from his mind he pulled Jae into a hug. She returned the hug but something was different now. It was almost as if she was being burdened by this unbearable weight that he knew nothing about. Not being able to take it any longer, Kyo pulled back and held Jae at arms length by her shoulders. He searched her face. He noticed that she looked weary and there was a thickness in the air around them, filled with something he couldn't place. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm fine. It's just been a long day." Kyo searched her face again, hoping to find what he knew she wasn't telling him but he came up empty-handed.
"You should get going. I doubt that car will wait forever."
"Yeah I know. I'll call you tomorrow okay?" He gave her another hug and told her goodnight.
Sitting in the car with his head against the window he quietly said, "So she has a kid."
Jae slid down the door til she was sitting on the floor. "So he has a girlfriend."