As I lay dying

†. Title : I wish it could be over [as I lay dying - part three]
†. Author : Semichan
†. Genre : Yaoi ,Songfic .
†. Pairing : /

†. A/N : The third part of "As I lay dying" so . This time there are not really lyrics, just random sentences that could be find in the Decemberunderground booklet . This is the shortest of the four parts, in Shinya's POV.

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They were perfect, they were beautiful.

They met in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of nothing, and kissed where everyone could see.

No words.

No before . No after.

They kissed and it was perfect . It was beautiful .

It was everything. It was nothing .


It surprised everybody in the band .

Die and Toshiya ? Really ?

You're kidding me !

They don't get along together . They never showed any interest in each other .


But yeah, they were perfect .


I couldn't deny it . I didn't like the idea, I don't like that . But still , they're beautiful .


But they just looked good . It was all just look . They were looking like a perfect couple . They weren't .
Absolutely not .

Not only it wasn't a sane relationship , but it wasn't a fair one either .

He didn't deserve such a lover .

He was far too different . Too nice .

That's what I would say when being with the others .

When I was alone I was clearly thinking other way .

He didn't deserve such a lover , yeah . But not because of that . He's not different , he just looks different .

He's not even pretty ... He's always wearing make up and so on . Toshiya isn't pretty . He isn't beautiful . He's just another bitch trying to convince the world he's not incredibly bitchy .

But he's so damn bitchy . And he acts like he's always the victim .


Die didn't deserve such a lover either .


Is there something I should know or have I just seen too much ?


But he didn't love me . Die didn't love me . And he will never do so .

I tried , but he preferred that bitch . I still don't know why . I spied on them so frequently … And they never knew . Even Die never knew .

I was so angry . But I couldn't hate him . I just hated Toshiya . I was jealous . And I probably still am. I can't understand how I fell jealous of that freaky, sordid relationship .

I was thinking I would like to have Die raping me too . But when Toshiya told me he accepted to be raped , I was totally disgusted . And so damn furious . I wanted to hit him .


Because I wanted to be him .


But somehow … as months went by , I started appreciating their relationship . It was so destructive it was making me laugh inside .

Toshiya … You are so stupid indeed .

You so don't know how things were going on . Die told me everything . Everyday he told me what he did to you , how you reacted , what you said .

He never had a reason to be angry with you . And you thought it was a punishment . You thought he was doing this to open your eyes . But he just wanted to play .

You never saw I always tried to break your relationship . You always nodded and said I was probably right . Though you never thought it a single second .

You just thought you were right .

Because of you, we disbanded . He said you were acting like you were captive . But he never told you not to get out of the room and come to practice . You just didn't come .

Because of you I lost my friends . I lost Kyo, I lost Kaoru, I lost Die, and I lost you . You thought I didn't like you , but I did like you . There was a time I used to like you, it just faded day by day. Little by little . And you never understood why .

Because of you I also lost my job . My band . My fans . It destroyed my life . You destroyed my life .

I hope the reason why I haven't seen you in 8 months is a good one .

I wish I could find you dead on that bed you're resting on every day as he said .

I wish it could all end . Eventually .


We were once together , now I'm simply surrounded ...


†. End of part #3

(Next and last part is Die)