Right Kind Of Wrong

23rd April

I don't know what to think, I don't even know what to write. I've been using this diary as a way to say the things I couldn't say out loud but now I don't think I could form words to express what I'm feeling. I'm empty. I feel like someone has taken my heart and stomped on it till it was in a million pieces and now I'm left holding the remains of it in my hand, trying desperately to fix it. But I know I can't. The only person that can is gone. She didn't even look at me last night. As we sat side by side on the couch while my mother called her mother she didn't even look at me. I knew if my mother found out she would go crazy but not like this. I'm not even allowed to leave the room unless it's to use the bathroom. Dad put the lock on the door first thing this morning even before I woke up. I woke to hear him banging it closed and locking it. My breakfast and lunch we're brought to me. They won't even let me eat with the rest of them. I don't see what I've done wrong. I fell in love. My two sisters fell in love years before me and they didn't get treated like this. I tried to tell dad this but he just shook his head and told me to be quiet. I know Mom's behind this, Dad would never treat me like this. I feel like I'm drowning here.

I couldn't help it, the tears we're falling from my face as I read over her words once again. I hadn't put the book down all morning and each page I turned only brought new fears and troubles for her. I just don't get why a parent can be so cruel. My mother pulls herself away from her morning paper and looks at me. The chances of her keeping quiet are low.

'So she gave you her diary?........'Very low.

'I know weird right?..............'And when one talks the other had to start.

'She wanted me to understand........'I try to explain even if I don't understand anything.

'What I don't understand is why she had the diary with her to begin with.........'My mother has a point.

'Your mother has a point Kelly.......'Yea ok.

'Who bring an old diary with them when they travel?..............' Carrie does.

'I don't know Mom.........'

'Unless she likes pain............' What the hell is she talking about.

'What the hell are you talking about Ashley........' By the look from my mother she still doesn't like me using the word hell.

'By reading her diary over and over again she's reliving the pain........maybe she likes it........'Ashley shrugs like it's the mostly normal thing she's ever said.

'Oh you have no idea what your talking about.............' And she doesn't

'She has a point Kelly.........'why are you here.

'Mother why are you here.............'

'Excuse me?..........'Oh no.

'Oh no........'Ashley whispers and hides her face behind the cereal box.

'I'm here to see my daughter and the girl who would be my daughter if she wasn't such a baby.........'Another dig at Ashley. 'But my daughter is to much of a wimp to do anything about the girl she's crushing on so she's being a class a bitch...............'Ouch.

'Oh burn.......'Ashley peeks her head up from the box long enough to smirk.

….................................................

'And now that we are down to the final twelve we must at all times be professional................' Simon Fuller speaks and almost everyone in the room looks to me, Only Paula doesn't look and that's cause she has the attention span of a goldfish.

Another round of meeting, I feel like my whole life has been one big meeting since I signed onto do Idol. Who knew so much talking went into making a tv show. Just as I'm about to fall asleep where I sit my phone rings from my pocket causing the whole room to give me a dirty look.

'Hello?.......'Yea now I'm really getting dirty looks.

'Why you whispering..........'

'Why are you whispering?............' I whisper back causing the blond on the other end to giggle.

'Don't know I always whisper when someone else does.............or when it's dark........' God she's cute.

'Reason you called?.........' Simon Fuller looks my way, he's really not pleased.

'Oh right......i just....just.....'She sighs into the phone.

'Just?.........'I push.

'I don't know why......i was out to lunch with my sisters and I just had this need to talk to you.............'Ok I'm smiling, smiling and blushing.

'And is your need filled now?...........' Flirting with Simon Cowell two feet really not easy.

' Not even close.......crap.........' Crap?

'What?.......' I hear someone calling her name. 'Where are you?........'

'In a bathroom stall........my sisters are hunting me down..........'she whispers. She's hiding in a bathroom stall. Ah cute.

'What are you smiling at?........'Simon leans over me.

'Ashley......' I don't even believe myself they way I say it and by the look on his face he doesn't either. 'Want to say hi?...........'I hold the phone out to him and he flinches.

'No thanks........' well that was easy.

'That was cruel.......' I hear Carrie whisper in my ear.

'I guess.......' I hear her name being called again.

'Better go.....talk later?.......'

'Don't think me saying no would stop you.............' Flirting good now.

'It wouldn't.........'she answers with a giggle and hangs up leaving me a little shocked by the whole conversation on the other end of the phone.