Bless Me Father

okay this is alittle slow to get interesting I realize but dont worry...it's getting better just stick with me! lol


Chapter Five

"hey...here's your rigs dude." Chris spoke with a tone that held some what an amused glint to it, like he found it funny, the scene in front of him. And it was true- I'd never dared bring a person home before, and there I was- only inches from this strangers face.
"Yeah okay thanks chris!" I muttered while jumping off the floor to grab his hand, a rather unimpressed look on my face. Of all the sick things that could have interrupted our little, 'meeting of the minds'; that one was the worst.
"I wasnt...interrupting was I?" Chris then giggled- and without even bothering to reply I sighed shoving him out the door, closing it quickly alittle mebarassed of the fact. Shoving the needles into my pants pockets, I turned back looking at Joel with appologetic eyes.
"I'm sorry...that was sort of rude of him.." I started while shaking my head. But much to my shagrin he just shrugged his shoulders lightly as if he weren't affected.
"you told me you had room mates..." He explained and then paused looking at me as if waiting for me to make a response or some announcement. But I was at a loss for exactly what he expected.
"What?" I quipped while cocking an eyebrow curiously in his direction.
"Well....dont you want to...ya know..like.." He stumbled before using his hand- bringing it over to his other arm making that gestures of someone shooting up. I chuckled catching his drift shaking my head I had debated doing it around him- but ultimatly decided against it- that sort of thing can be really tramatizing to someone who's never seen it before.
"No..no..it's cool." I explained while sliding down the wall to sit next to him on the mattress a second time. "I don't want you to see me doing that...if that's okay with you." I said going alittle bit further into reasoning for him. He smiled some what greatfully to me. Part of me was dying for another fix- and those needles felt like they were burning holes right through their protective plastic wrappers in my pocket. But a bigger part of me wanted to stay right where I was- with Joel.
"Really? That's cool." He commented while nodding his head. This certainly wasn't the conversation I wanted to be wasting time on.
"So...you asked if I liked guys...what about you? Are you...homosexual..or heterosexual?" I asked letting the last few letters roll off my tongue. I could already see the answer but Istill felt the urge to hear him say it anyway. And he looked some what torn on the answer. I couldn't help but smile wider.
"I...I dont really know." Ie confessed to me honestly. I respected his answer because I myself had once been torn on the issue. Sexuality is such a funny thing. For so long the world just had everything set in stone, the way it was. And now? People like me are everywhere- same sex oriented, if you will.
"Yeah. I was like you are a long time ago. Have you...ever kissed anyone?" My eyes studied his face carefully, the facial exspessions he kept making were all so adorable. His face flushed red slightly, caught of gaurd by my some what personal question. Slowly but surely he shook his head.
"No...Well. Besides father Rivers, but I didn't like it I swear!" He said, and I felt horrible for the boy, his first kiss being robbed from him in such a way.
"I'm sorry that hardly seems fair. Do you- ever dream about how you'd like your first kiss to be?" I then asked, lips getting dangerously closer to his- I could feel his partially cracked lips breathing a bit heavier than normal.
"I...um...I think..maybe I'd like to kiss you.." He piped out in a mousy tone, making butterflies arise in the pit of my stomach. For some reason I felt so nervous around the boy. Especially nervous about the afore mentioned kiss. Sure, I'd kissed quite a few people in my lifetime, but none quite as pure as he. Mostly I just worried I'd mess it up. I mess most things up, in life. In general.
"So then, if I kissed you, you wouldn't be...weirded out?" I dared to pop out- I'd never really seen much a point in tip-toeing around a conversation and even if I was scared out of my mind- I still wanted nothing more than to kiss those lips.
"I'd..tell you...to do it..." He whispered and that's all it took. My unsure lips came crashing down on to his in a second of pure bliss. They were soft- not at all imbrassive. And sweet like the sunkist soda that he'd drank earlier.
"Do you kiss everyone you just meet?" I joked to him in efforts to break the slowly building silence, running my thumb along his bottom lip affectionatly. And I could see a glitter of humor in his eyes- his slick pink tongue snaking from his lips to run along my thumb.
"Just the attractive junkie types." He snickered with a playful smile. A smile I was growing very fond of- along with the rest of him. "so how do you do it?" He thought out loud, and my eyes followed the path of his to the growing line of trackmarks down my inner arms. Self consciously I brought my hands up crossing them across my chest in order to hide the marks.
"Do what? Shoot up? Trust me kid you're too good to know. I dont teach people that sort of shit.." and it was true- I didn't. As long as I'd done that drug I'd maintained a promise to myself- to never teach someone else how to destroy their life. Because you can't just jam a needle into your arm and hope for the best. It's an exact science, as rediculous as that sounds. And anyone who could teach another person how to throw their life away is a fucking joke of a human. "At 16 I had a friend show me how to melt down and inject heroin- and I became a fucking waste. So..let's just keep somethings between us- secrets huh?" I told him looking at him with a shrug, "Nothing personal- I just think you're better than that. That's all. And...if you know how to do it- you might want to try it. And I don't think I want you to."
"But I dont get it. Okay- not that I want to. Because I just told you earlier, but what's the big deal if I'm curious? you do it- there's gotta be something to it." He said and it was almost flattering to hear him say it- what I did, made him curious. But for the most part I just shook my head.
"Yeah there's something to it, addiction Joel. Seriously this shit really fucks up your life." I scowled trying deseperatly to drop the hint for him to change the subject.
"Okay. Okay. I get it- I'm not going to ask to try it." He said, much like a five year old being scorned for something.
"Good...so...um...do you go to school?" I asked now averting from the conversation all together.
"Yeah. School all day- then I work at night. But..I graduated really soon. Does it..bother you that I'm underage?" I paused to think about the question and shrugged my shoulders. Honestly it had never phased me- The thought of his age. Sure he may have been young, but he didnt act it. If fact he seemed very mature for his age. But I suppose he'd just grown up fast in life- anyone who goes through such struggles would.
"well..I live in a crackhouse...I'd pretty much say most of my morals are shot. Besides, you dont exactly strike me as...too vonerable a person." I said to him, a soft spoken sentence. But he chuckled nodding his head.
"So can I come see you this time every morning?" His question was like music to my ears.
"I'll be exspecting you."