Aberrance

Night had descended, blanketing the city in a beautiful shade of black with a backdrop of silver stars. People bustled about the streets below, preoccupied with their lives. The Lotus was still open, but the band onstage was almost finished with their set, and soon people would start filing out, leaving the club barren. Kaoru tried to stifle a yawn.

"You don't have to stay here with me you know" Jae said, a small smile forming on her face.

"I know, but I want to stay. This may sound strange given that we haven't known each other long, but I enjoy spending time with you." He returned her smile with one of his own. Jae's smile widened.

"You enjoy spending time with me, even if you're sitting there most likely bored out of your skull, while I give myself a headache over paperwork. Are you feeling alright?" she chuckled a little and went back to signing documents. He stood up and stretched before going around behind Jae's desk and glancing out the window at the busy city below.

"Don't they ever slow down?" he asked suddenly. "People are so self-absorbed that they lose sight of what is really important." Jae turned in her chair so she was facing him. She took in his handsome face and wondered why she never noticed his attractiveness before. His face was illuminated by the glow of the city lights, giving him an almost ethereal beauty.

"And what is really important?" she asked distantly, eyes still admiring his features. He turned his body away from the window and leaned against it with his arms crossed over his chest. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

"Friends, family, little things that get passed over for trivial bullshit."

"Are you always this intuitive when you're tired?" He was taken aback by her question. Was it really that evident that he hadn't had a good nights rest in days? He smiled a little.

"I guess I am. The hotel beds aren't very comfortable as it is, and sometimes I can't get my head to turn off so I just stay up writing music or watching tv. I get a bit lonely too I suppose. Die and Totchi are sharing a room and Shinya likes his privacy so I try not to intrude on it if possible."

"And here I was going to order you to go back to your room and sleep." She chuckled a little. "This may sound strange but I have a spare bedroom at the house. You're more than welcome to sleep there."

"Oh no, I don't want to impose."

"Kao, you're exhausted. You guys have a show in a few days and you need your rest. Please." He thought it over for a moment.

"Well I guess it would be alright. It would be nice to get some decent rest." He smiled a little.

"Good it's settled then. We can stop by the hotel so you can get whatever you need for the night." She winked at him and began packing up her things to take home.

Jae was sitting on the bed in Kaoru's room while he was getting his stuff together. She made a face. "These beds really are uncomfortable. I wish I had room for all of you to stay with me" she said as she poked the mattress and made another face of disgust. Kaoru watched her, mild amusement passing over his features. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. He pulled it open to reveal Toshiya.

"Hey what's up?" Kaoru asked.

"Nothing really, we just wanted to see if you were back yet." Stepping inside the room he was surprised to see Jae sitting on Kaoru's bed, her suit jacket she was wearing earlier missing. He laughed nervously. "Um, I'm not interrupting anything am I?"

Kaoru rolled his eyes."No Totchi, you're not interrupting anything" he said, amusement evident in his voice.

"Good, I'll be right back!" And with that he ran out of the room. Kaoru and Jae both looked after him with raised eyebrows. A few minutes later he returned with Shinya and Die in tow. "We couldn't pass up the chance to see our favorite Jae!" Totchi replied with a toothy grin, before running over and hugging her. Die and Shinya followed suit, each giving her a hug. Jae had a huge smile on her face.

"Aww you guys are too sweet" she giggled. Kaoru stood in the background watching the scene with a big grin.

"Cmon Kao it's your turn!" Die said before moving back to gently shove Kaoru in Jae's direction. Kaoru slid his arms around Jae's waist and gently pulled her to him. Soon he felt her arms slide up and wrap around his neck. He turned his head a little resting it against hers, taking in the scent of her hair. It smelled faintly of orange flower and something else he couldn't place and calmed him instantly. Jae didn't know why, but she felt safe wrapped in Kaoru's arms, like nothing could hurt her ever again. The three other people in the room watched the couple with smiles on their faces. They had never seen their leader look so calm and content before and it was an endearing sight.

Kyo suddenly walked in through the open door. "Alright what is it you guys.." He stopped mid sentence and stared pointedly at the sight in front of him. At the sound of Kyo's voice Jae pulled back to look at him. She was smiling but it soon fell when she noticed the look on his face. He was pissed. Her eyes traveled downwards drinking in every inch of his naked torso. Her eyes widened when she noticed all the red, angry scratches adorning his stomach and chest. Her gaze went back up to his eyes.

"Kyo.." she barely whispered. He quickly turned on his heel and left the room. His blood was boiling. He was so angry and he didn't want to take it out on anyone so he thought it would be better if he just left. They were touching again. What was that, like the third time today? Kyo was seething by the time he reached his door.

"Kyo! What is wrong with you? Don't act like you don't hear me!" Jae was in the hallway now too, shouting down to him. He gave her the most menacing glare he could and then went in his room slamming the door behind him. Jae went back into Kaoru's room. "Is Hitomi here right now?" Jae asked poignantly.

"No she's visiting.." Shinya didn't even get to finish his sentence before Jae was gone, stalking down the hall to Kyo's room. She banged loudly on his door.

"Kyo! Open up!" There was no response, which angered her even more. "Tooru Nishimura open up this door right now!" she said in her most stern, motherly voice. The door swung open to reveal a very pissed off Kyo.

"That's not my name" he growled out.

"Well so long as you act like a child I'm going to treat you like one" she spat back. She walked in past him, not caring if she was welcome or not. He shut the door behind her.

"Why are you here anyway? I want to be left alone."

"Why?"

"Who cares?!"

"I do, you idiot! I've never stopped caring, even after all these years!" She glanced at his chest again and lowered her voice to barely above a whisper. "Where did you get these?" She tentatively reached out to touch a patch of scratches on his abdomen. Her hand moved up to touch the others on his chest. Before she realized what was happening, she was pushed against the wall and Kyo's lips were crashing onto hers in a rough kiss. In the back of her mind she knew this was wrong. However, she had loved him longer than she cared to admit so her body refused to listen to any coherent thought she had. Kyo's tongue slid against the seam of her lips and she opened her mouth to let it inside as she slid her hands up, fisting them into his hair. He tore his mouth away to kiss down her neck and further down yet onto her exposed chest. He flexed his hips and grinded his growing arousal against her. She mewled and arched into his touch. He moved his mouth back up and kissed her again, biting on her bottom lip and tightening his hold on her waist pulling them even closer together, if that was possible. He reached around and grabbed her ass, pushing their hips against each other, desperately wanting to bury himself deep inside her. He growled against her throat and let her go, backing away from her and panting. She looked at him through lust filled eyes. "Kyo" she whispered, still out of breath.

"Get out of here" he said tonelessly.

"What?"

"I said get out of here. I can't be around you. It hurts." He looked up at her.

"Kyo, I.."

"Just go." He turned his back to her. Letting out a defeated sigh, she opened the door. Casting one last glance at Kyo she left, shutting the door softly behind her. The click of the door echoed loudly in the room. A lone tear slid down Kyo's cheek as he touched his fingers to his lips.

Jae slowly walked down the hallway, deep in thought. Her body felt like it was on fire from what happened between her and Kyo moments earlier. What had possessed him to do that? What did he mean when he said it hurt to be around her? He may as well have slapped her across the face. She was the one that was supposed to take his pain away, not be the cause of it. She never wanted to hurt him, so if staying away from him was the only way to accomplish that then so be it. She was painfully aware that staying away from him would most liekly be one of the hardest things she's ever had to do, but so long as he was happy she would endure it.

Kaoru watched as Jae walked right past him standing in the doorway of his room. She walked on like she didn't even notice him. "Jae?" he called out. No response. "Jae?" he said a bit louder. She jerked and turned back to see Kaoru standing in the hallway staring at her in bewilderment. Had she really walked past his room? Kaoru's brow creased, a look of concern etched on his face. She looked so lost. He did the only thing he could think of. He closed the distance between them and enveloped her in a warm hug. She wrapped her arms around him and clung to him, desperately wanting to feel something, anything. Kaoru reached up and started stroking her hair while whispering words of comfort in her ear. Jae tried to focus on his voice, but the only thing she could hear was Kyo's harsh words repeating in her head. She felt broken and void of all emotion, save for sorrow, but at this point she was so hollow that she wasn't even sure she could feel that.

The ride home was eerily silent. Kaoru had taken Jae's keys and was driving them to her house. Every couple of minutes his eyes would drift over to her, taking in her expressionless face. 'Damnit Kyo what the hell did you do to her?' he wondered. He pulled into her driveway and shut the car off. He shifted in his seat so he could look at her. Jae felt eyes on her and turned to see Kaoru staring intently at her. She tried to smile and failed miserably.

"I'm sorry Kao" she whispered and got out of the car, heading for the door. Kaoru grabbed his bag from the backseat and followed her inside.

"Why are you apologizing to me?"

"For the way I've been acting. No more weirdness tonight okay?"

"Can I ask what happened with Kyo?"

Jae winced. "It's.. complicated. Honestly I'm not even sure what happened. It's kind of a blur." She started chewing on her bottom lip nervously. "Would you like some tea?"

"No, thank you. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"Not tonight. You're tired and you need to sleep, not listen to me ramble on about Kyo and my problems. I'll show you to your room." Kaoru nodded and followed her upstairs to the spare bedroom. Jae whispered a quiet goodnight before shutting the door and heading back downstairs. Kaoru stared at the door for a minute before shaking his head and changing for bed.

He lay there wide awake staring at the ceiling. Sighing for what must've been the hundreth time, he closed his eyes, hoping to trick his body into sleep. He lay still for a few minutes then his hand moved up to rub the bridge of his nose. "Damn head" he mumbled. He growled in frustration and opened his eyes. "Fuck this" he muttered before getting up and padding downstairs to the living room.

He found her right where he thought he would, sitting on the couch staring off into space. She was smoking a cigarette and some sort of liquor was in a glass on the table in front of her. Sensing movement to her right, she looked over at him.
"You should be sleeping" she said quietly.

"I couldn't" he admitted and walked over, sitting down next to her.

"Well in that case would you like a drink? It might help and besides, I don't like drinking alone."

"Sure I'll have whatever you're having."She nodded and got up, going to the bar to pour him a drink. He watched her thoughtfully and gave her a small smile when she came back to sit next to him and give him his drink. He lit up a cigarette and sat quietly beside her, sipping his drinking slowly.

"Jack Daniels?" he asked with a smile. Jae returned it with a smirk.

"Yeah my favorite poison."

"Jae, what happened with Kyo earlier?" He turned to her with pleading eyes. "It's got you so upset, I just want to help, please?"

She sighed and stared into her glass. "I know, it's very sweet of you to be concerned, but I really don't know how to begin."

"Just start talking, we can sit here and talk all night if you want. It's not like either of us will be sleeping anytime soon anyway." Jae was emotionally and mentally exhausted. She knew Kaoru was right thought. She had to talk to someone. She was secretly happy he was offering to be that someone. She noticed both of their glasses were about empty.

"Would you like a refill before I begin whining to you about my pathetic life?" She cracked a forced smile. Kaoru frowned.

"Jae, I would hardly call it whining. You are quite well-adjusted given everything you've been through." Grabbing both their glasses, she got up and walked over to the bar for refills.

"I know but sometimes I feel so weak. I'm just waiting for my walls to crumble around me." Her voice sounded hollow to her own ears. She sat back down next to Kaoru. She lit up another cigarette and took a long drag, exhaling slowly.

"He kissed me."

"What?!"

"Well, more than kissed, but then in the next breath he was shoving me away and telling me he couldn't be around me because it hurt. I don't understand what he meant by that. And I really have no idea why he kissed me, or why he did any of those other things. One minute we were arguing and the next his lips were crushing mine. I'm so confused."

"Well did you enjoy it?"

She turned to look at him. "I would have enjoyed it a lot more if it didn't confuse me so much." She gave a small, wry smile.

"What about Hitomi?"

Jae groaned. "You just had to bring her up, didn't you? Yeah I know. While we were kissing, my brain registered the fact that he has a girlfriend but my body refused to do anything about it. I still don't understand why he was so angry. I'm confused about that too."

"You know how Kyo is. Sometimes he's just moody."

"No this was more than just moody. He was really angry." She ran her fingers through her hair and let out an exasperated sigh."Sometimes it's like I don't know him at all." Kaoru bit his tongue . He remembered Kyo's words from last night about them being like complete strangers sometimes and the frustration he felt because of it.

"I don't think Kyo meant it when he said he couldn't be around you. I think he is just frustrated with himself about a lot of things."

Jae furrowed her brows. "What do you mean?"

Kaoru thought for a minute before he answered. "Kyo still needs you. I've noticed he seems more at ease when you're around. His whole demeanor changes. However, at the same time. he thinks he can't rely on you the way he did because of his relationship with Hitomi. He doesn't want to make her upset. He doesn't want to hurt you either, but he feels like he's being pulled in all these different directions trying to keep everyone happy. I think today it just got to him and he snapped." He looked over at Jae watching her process the information and think it over. She shook her head.

"You didn't see his face. He looked very sure of himself." Kaoru reached over and started rubbing her back.

"I'm sure he was just blowing off steam. I honestly can't imagine him wanting that." Jae looked at him a ghost of a smile on her lips.

"I think I should just give him his space for a while. If what you say is true, I don't want to be a reason for his stress. You guys are playing a show at my club in a few days. I want it to run smoothly. That feels nice by the way." She turned her head and give him her first real smile of the evening.

"Thanks, I have magic hands you know." He gave her a rare, big smile. "Turn around, I'll give you a massage." Jae returned his smile and turned around with her back to him and pulled her feet up, sitting cross legged. She turned her head towards him.

"You look really good when you smile like that. You should do it more often." Kaoru felt his cheeks flush and was glad Jae couldn't see him blushing, but he smiled wider anyway as he started massaging her shoulders. "You're right, you do have magic hands." She chuckled a little.

"Yeah and it's a good thing because you're wound up tighter than an eight day clock" he replied, voice wrought with concern.

"I just have a lot on my mind, with Kyo and everything. I also have a fifteen year old son. Teenagers are quite the handful let me tell you. Tristan is a good kid though so I shouldn't complain." Kaoru's hands were working their way down her back, melting the stress away.

"A son huh? Does Kyo know about that?"

"Yeah he met him the other night actually. Well, talked to him I should say. Tristan is shy around new people so he stood at the top of the stairs in the dark. Kyo never actually saw him."

"How did Kyo take the news?"

"At first he was obviously surprised but after he got over the inital shock he seemed to be okay." Kaoru finished the massage and was rubbing his hands slowly up and down her back. Jae yawned. "That helped so much, thanks Kao." She leaned back so she was laying against him. "Is this okay?" She looked up and he looked back at her with a grin.

"Of course it's okay." He slid his arms around her waist and she relaxed against him more.

"I suppose we should head upstairs before we fall asleep on the couch. It's where I slept last night and I don't recommend it" she said with a soft laugh. "Do you think you'll be able to sleep now?"

Kaoru yawned. "Yeah I think I'm good to go." Jae got up off the couch and stretched. They both headed upstairs stopping at Jae's bedroom door. She leaned over and kissed Kaoru on the cheek.
"Thanks for everything you did for me tonight, it means a lot." She smiled.

"Don't mention it. Anytime you need anything I'm here for you alright?"

"Yeah same here. Goodnight Kao. You better actually go to sleep this time!"

He chuckled. "Don't worry, I will. Sleep well Jae." Hugging before they parted ways, both had a peaceful slumber that night.