How We Stay Here (or Waiting)

How We Stay Here (or Waiting)
Part Six: I’ve Got Everything to Prove and Everything to Lose

I’m so much closer
That I have ever known . . .

* Tre’s POV *

“We fucked.” he says bluntly, lighting another cigarette. There’s an array of bottles across the coffee table, reminiscent of Mike’s hotel room which I’m pretty sure is one of the subliminal effects or whatever they’re called. Billie’s got the way with words, not me. And he doesn’t have any now, with his slurred speech and trembling, swollen lips.

“I-I knew it wouldn’t help.” he mumbles. “I knew it, but I hoped it, too. I wanted it to fix everything. You know like when you first get married and you get in a fight and sex fixes it? It just . . . quits. Why’s it quit, Tre?”

“I don’t know, Billie. But you’re too fucking drunk. Come on.” I pull him up, which is hard as hell. Billie might have lost weight over the years and look like someone that could fit in your pocket, but he’s dead weight, let me tell you.

I pull his shoes off after I’ve all but thrown him onto the bed. He sits up and grabs my hand. “Thank you.”

I just nod, startled when Billie’s lips press against mine. It took a moment before my shock wore off to push him away and I was half terrified that the moment would send him the wrong message. “Billie—“

“I—“

“It’s fine.”

“I didn’t—“

“I know.”

“I’m—“

“Don’t be.”

He nods, I nod. He closes his eyes and falls backward on the bed, but I know it will be hours until he finally falls asleep.

* Billie’s POV *

I wake up when the television set in my room turns on. I open my eyes groggily, but fortunately my head doesn’t ache from a hangover. Jakob’s lying on Mike’s side of the bed with the remote in his hand and Joey’s sitting next to him with a Coke in his.

I prop myself up on my elbow and smile, yawning. “When did you two get here?”

“Claudia brought us over.” Joey says, not answering my question at all.

“Tre said you needed us.” Jakob adds, a hint of pride in his voice. I grin and sit up, ruffling my youngest son’s hair. He smiles back. “Where’d you go, Dad?”

“He went to see Mike.” Joey says before I can answer. He stares at the television stubbornly, refusing to look at me.

“Oh.” Jakob looks down, playing with the remote.
I take it from him. “Hey, sport, why don’t you go downstairs and hook up the X-Box and I’ll come down in a minute and play a game with you?”

He smiles and bolts from the room, leaving Joey clenching his jaw. “I’ll go help him.” he says through gritted teeth, but I grab his arm when he moves to stand.

“Oh, no you don’t. Out with it.” He shakes his head, still not looking at me. “Joey, just say it.”

“No.”

“Joey . . .”

And he’s on me in an instant, head turned and his mother’s eyes flashing. “What did you do?” he demands. “What did you do to make Mike mad? It’s not fair!”

I feel like he just slapped me across the face. “I-I didn’t . . .” I take a deep breath and remind myself that I’m talking to my son. “This fight . . . it’s not anyone’s fault.”

“Yeah, right.” he scoffs. “Just like when you used to fight with Mom? And then you’d leave and she’d just keep crying until you came back.”

“Joey, this i-isn’t—“

“Whatever. I should have known you couldn’t do it again.” He’s halfway out the door before I can find my voice.

“Mike and I aren’t going to end up like me and your mom.”

“Yeah?” Joey’s voice is full of skepticism. “Prove it.”

* Mike’s POV *

Billie practically kicks down my door and when I finally do open it, he grabs me by my shoulders and throws me against the wall. It doesn’t matter that he’s three inches shorter than me; I feel like I’m two feet tall looking at the anger in his green eyes.

“I am not fucking doing this again.” he snaps. “There’s no excuse this time. I’m not in love with anyone else, I’m not leaving you behind for a tour, I’m not showing up at four in the morning drunk. The only problem this time is you and me giving up too easily. You come home tomorrow and tell me what’s wrong or I’m fucking dragging you there.”

And then he’s gone. I half think I’m going to wake up in a minute and I realize I’m shaking all over.

Come home tomorrow. I don’t know if I can. If I look at Joey and Jakob . . . I don’t think I’ll be able to leave again. Maybe that’s Billie’s plan.

I shake my head. Billie’s plan. Makes it sound like he’s going to tie me to a chair and torture the truth out of me. Which would be a relief considering I don’t know what the truth is.

Come home tomorrow.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to.

* Billie’s POV *

I put on a smile before I get to the car. Joey unlocks it from the inside and I open the door, sitting down and buckling. My cell phone rings as soon as I turn down the blaring radio. “Hello?”

“Billie, hi.” It’s Adrienne. “I called the house, but no one answered. Umm . . . did you know Joey skipped school the other day?”

“Shit.” I slap myself mentally. “He didn’t skip, Adie, I just forgot to send a note to school with him.” I look at the ten year old sitting next to me. ‘Why didn’t you tell them?’ I mouth.

“What was I supposed to say?” he says. “’My dad kept me home from school because my other dad drove off in the middle of the night?’”

I glare at him, knowing my ex-wife heard every word of his not so quiet sarcasm.

“Billie Joe.” she says quietly.

“Adrienne, not right now. We’re in the car.”

“Yes, now.” she says in the same dangerous voice.

I undo my seat belt and open the door, turning up the volume of the radio before I shut the door. I sigh. “Adie, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have kept him home. I’ll go down to the school tomorrow and—“

“What’s going on with you and Mike?” she asks.

“We’re just . . . he . . . fuck, Adrienne. I have no idea what’s going on.” I fish around in my pocket for my box of cigarettes. “All I know is that the boys are terrified we’re going to get a divorce and Mike’s drinking too much.”

“Are you?”

“With Tre earlier.” I light up a cancer stick. “Adrienne, he’s coming over tomorrow to talk. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“I should come home.” she says.

“Adie, you don’t need—“

“Yes, I do. You and Mike need to work this out. Without the boys there.” Adrienne sighs. “Billie Joe, until you get this worked out . . . I’ll be there tonight. I don’t want you to see them until it’s worked out.”

I drop my cigarette. “What?”

“Those kids have seen more than enough fighting between us, they don’t need to see it between you and Mike.”

“You can’t fucking take my kids, Adrienne.”

“Our kids, Billie Joe. Until you sort this out. If Mike’s coming over tomorrow to talk then it should be sorted out soon.”

“What if it never gets sorted out?” And then I’m sobbing.