Aberrance

Kyo lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. He was thankful that Hitomi didn't stick around long when she did finally manage to make it back to their room. He needed to be alone with his thoughts, which were currently centered around Jae. It was like he couldn't escape her. He secretly knew he didn't want to but this was torture. He'd been in a daze since what had transpired between them yesterday. It was a bittersweet experience. He never thought she would be in his arms like that again. It felt so right, so natural for her to be there. His fingers ached to touch her again. Then the rational part of him had taken over reminding him that he had a girlfriend and as much as he wished otherwise, Jae was not that girlfriend. He had forced himself to let go of her, and thats when he opened his mouth and voiced something he thought often lately but never said aloud. The minute the words left his lips he desperately wanted to take them back. Seeing Jae's face contort into a grimace tore at his heart. He never wanted to see her make that kind of face again.

"I've gone and fucked things up again" he muttered.

If only there was a way to erase yesterday. He sighed as he lamented over everything that had gone so horribly wrong. He just hoped Jae didn't believe his words. There was so much time he had to make up for, so much he wanted to tell her but so far he was doing a real bang up job. His harsh words echoed in his head, reminding him just how much he was royally fucking everything up.

"Damnit!" he yelled.

Heaving a defeated sigh, he abandoned his previous thoughts for happier ones. He smiled genuinely as he recalled the time he and Jae had made love.

**Flashback**

It was early evening. Jae and Tooru were on her bed watching tv. The two were home alone because Jae's parents were out for the evening. Jae shyly scooted closer to Tooru, curling up against his side. He glanced over at her briefly, his arm wrapping around her shoulders.

"Are you tired?"

"No."

Tooru grabbed the remote and turned off the tv. Jae was being unusually quiet and he knew why. Tomorrow was the day he would leave to pursue his dream. No matter how much she told him that she wanted him to go, he knew it was tearing her apart inside. He was feeling the same way. He was leaving the only person he ever truly cared about, the only person he loved. He didn't know when he would see her again after tonight and that scared him more than anything. She was his monolith but after tonight he would be on his own. He wanted to give her something special, something to remember him by after he was gone. He had no expensive gifts made of silver or gold, he only had his love for her, and he desperately hoped that was enough. She always told him that words were his gift, but he couldn't seem to put into words how much he cared for her. He knew he loved her, but simply saying 'I love you' seemed as thought it weren't enough and it was futile to say that now when he would be gone with the rising sun. He wanted to show her, hoping his body would convey that which he was unable to express in words. His arm tightened around her and she looked up into his face. He wanted to say something but all words died on his lips. The thought of what he was about to do brought color to his cheeks and he turned his head to the side, looking away from Jae. He felt her fingers on his face turning his head back to her as she looked up at him quizically. He tilted his head up and pressed his lips to her in a chaste kiss, testing the waters. When she didn't pull away he deepend the kiss, sliding his tongue along the seam of her lips seeking entrance, which she granted. Her fingers fisted nervously against his shirt as their kiss became more heated. Tooru's hands moved up to cup her face. Finally she had to break away for air. They were staring into each other's eyes, breath coming in shallow gasps.

"Tooru, I..."

"Shh. No words, just feel."

She nodded and he smiled warmly, trying to let her know she didn't need to be nervous. Jae leaned down hesitantly and claimed his lips again, sliding her arms around his neck. Tooru's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush against him. He rolled them over so that he was on top of her and slowly started kissing a path down her neck. She slid her hands down his back, not really sure what else she should do. He was sucking on her neck now, his hands moving away from her waist to slide up under her shirt. His fingers danced over her stomach but then he pulled them back out and his lips left her neck.

"I want to see you."

His fingers still rested against the hem of her shirt. She looked into his eyes and nodded her approval. He smiled and bent down to kiss her quickly. His hands slowly started lifting her shirt up and he bent down to kiss her flesh as it was exposed to him. He kissed up over her bra clad chest and up her neck, sucking a little roughly on it as he slid her bra straps down. Stopping to admire what he had uncovered so far, his breath hitched in his throat. She was so beautiful and tonight she belonged to only him. His lips melded with hers again as he reached around and unclasped her bra sliding it from her body. His tongue traced a path down to her breasts before taking a pink nipple into his mouth, sucking lightly. Jae mewled and arched her back. She tugged his other hand up and placed it on her neglected breast. Tooru took the hint and fondled it a little before tugging on her nipple and rolling it between his fingers. His teeth pulled on her nipple and her hips bucked up against him. Tooru groaned and thrust his hips downward as he moved to lavish attention on her other nipple with his hot mouth. By now their bodies were rocking together and Tooru feared he would burst in his pants if it continued this way much longer. He moaned and an arm moved down to clamp over her waist, holding it in place.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?"

He started unbuttoning her pants and his mouth crushed hers in a bruising kiss. In one swift motion he had divested her of jeans and panties. He was standing at the foot of the bed staring at Jae's naked body in awe. His hungry eyes took in every inch of her exquisitely pale flesh, burning into his memory. Jae couldn't help but feel nervous under his gaze and her arms instinctively moved up to cover herself. But suddenly Tooru was on top of her again, moving her arms away.

"Don't hide yourself from me" he whispered.

He wanted to feel his bare flesh against hers. He got up again, pulling his shirt off, then his pants and boxers. Now it was Jae's turn to awe at his naked body. Her eyes immediately flew to his rather impressive length, and her tongue darted out to run over her lips. Tooru smirked and crawled back onto the bed, nestling himself between her thighs. She tentatively reached out, wrapping her hand around his cock, slowly sliding it up and down. He moaned a little above her. As she grew bolder, her hand moved faster and she glanced up at Tooru. He was a sight to behold. His head was reclined back, face flushed, lips slightly parted. He looked down and their eyes locked. He bit his lip and thrust himself against her hand, never breaking eye contact. Jae licked her lips as he thrust into her hand again, moaning.

"I need to be inside you now."

Jae sucked in a breath and spread her legs farther apart. He positioned himself and layed over her, supporting his weight on his forearms, resting them on either side of her head. Leaning down, he whispered in her ear.

"I'm sorry."

He thrust himself into her in one swift motion. She cried out as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. Tooru licked and kissed away her tears, staying still until she had adjusted to him being inside of her. After a few minutes she moved her hips experimentally. Tooru moaned softly.

"Are you ok now?"

Jae nodded and Tooru kissed her deeply, slowly moving in and out of her. Jae moaned into his mouth before breaking away.

"More" she said, tone laced with lust.

He was quick to comply, pulling out of her and thrusting back in harder and deeper. Jae moaned loudly.

"Tooru..I need you...please" she whimpered.

He moaned as he moved up and grabbed onto her hips, burying himself in her up to his balls. He started thrusting in and out of her wildly, driven by her tight heat surrounding his length, and her sounds of approval coming from beneath him. Her head flew back against the pillow and she moaned loudly, her body quivering. Her muscles tightened around him and his name was ripped from her throat as she climaxed. Tooru exploded in her soon after, crying out her name. He collapsed on top of her, breathing erratic. They lay there together, spent from their lovemaking, before Tooru finally pulled out and lay down beside her. After their bodies had cooled he reached over and pulled the blanket over them, pulling Jae against him with an arm wrapped protectively around her waist. She made a sound of contentment and snuggled closer to him. His free hand moved up and he absentmindedly started running his fingers through her hair. Jae sighed and turned around in his arms so she was facing him. He ran his thumb over her cheek and she leaned up and softly kissed him. When they broke apart she looked up at him and smiled.

"You look tired, you should get some rest" he told her quietly.

"You too, ok?" she said before moving her head down and tucking it under his chin so she could listen to his heartbeat.

Tooru didn't want to sleep. He wanted to lay awake all night and watch Jae, fearing if he closed his eyes that when he opened them morning would have arrived to tear him away from her.

"I'll cherish you forever...I love you" he whispered.

Jae didn't hear him, she had already fallen asleep.

**End flashback**

Kyo lay on the bed, idly rubbing his aching cock. Cursing under his breath, he got up to take a shower.The hot water should've relaxed him, but right now he had more pressing matters to attend to. His cock had sprang to life and demanded attention. He grasped the base firmly and stroked slowly up and down to tease himself. Moaning softly, he continued this for awhile longer, thinking again of he and Jae's experience. He craved her. He imagined it was her who was here stroking him. He began to pump harder and faster now, moans falling from his lips, along with other phrases that accompanied his thoughts. Then he started thinking of the other day. The rush he felt when their bodies were coming together so violently, how he wanted to take her then and there against the wall. By now, he had started thrusting into his hand, imagining it was Jae he was thrusting into. His body was taut, muscles tensing up at the approach of his orgasm. He could see her, bouncing up and down on his cock with wild abandon, crying out his name, begging him to fill her. He was fisting his cock now, pounding it mercilessly against his hand. He cried out her name hoarsely as he shot his load against the shower wall. Panting, he grabbed the knob and switched it over to cold water and slumped down, letting it sleuce over his heated body.

Jae and Kaoru were up in her office. She didn't have as much paperwork as she anticipated so they were able to go downstairs to watch the band that was performing. To their surprise, Die came by and dragged them to the private booth in the corner where the rest of the band was already seated. Jae smiled warmly as she followed Kaoru to the booth, and then slid to sit between Toshiya and Kaoru. She couldn't bring herself to look at Kyo, afraid of what she would or wouldn't see relected in his eyes.

Kyo sighed to himself. As much as he really didn't like alcohol, he felt like maybe he needed it right now. He saw Toshiya get up and motioned him over.

"Get one for me too alright?"

Toshiya looked at him questioningly. "You don't drink."

"I do now" Kyo said as his eyes landed on Kaoru and Jae, talking quietly on the other side of the booth.

Toshiya came back and placed a mixed drink in front of Kyo before taking his seat again. The others looked at the drink, then to Kyo, then back at the drink again. Without thinking, Kyo took a rather large swig and promptly spit it out before he started coughing. Shinya reached over swatting him on the back a few times. Kyo's face reddened and he kept his eyes glued to the floor as he slowly finished his drink. He leaned towards Shinya.

"I'm gonna go outside, I need some air."

Shinya nodded and everyone else watched as he headed for the door. Kaoru looked to Jae, who was watching Kyo's retreating back, a mixture of sadness and confusion marring her features.

"You should go talk to him" Kaoru said.

"And say what? I don't even know where to begin" she mumbled lamely.

"Well just go sit with him. I think he misses you."

Jae nodded and took a deep breath, heading for the door.