Mannequin

Author Notes: The lyrics that are jammed awkwardly into the middle of this fic are "I need you" by Jack Mannequin. Although they fit in the fic, they are not the insperation for it. I hadn't a clue of the existince of Jack Mannequin untill writing this fic. And I'm aware of the fact that the point of view has a slight change after the lyrics. It just felt right that way. You'd better like it cause it made me cry...
[sorry if my bold and italics don't work right. i'm still new at this shit]
Warnings: it's a surprise

You know when you go shopping somewhere like a mall, how there’s always seven or eight mannequins in every store window…and how every one of them is always perfectly proportioned and built for beauty; not a single imperfection.

To me he was a mannequin. Maybe not as thin or muscular as a mannequin, but I’ll be damned if he wasn’t perfect. Those glassy cherry brown eyes that made me fucking melt every time I had the guts to look into them. His perfectly shaped pale pink lips that appeared to be in a permanent pout, so fucking soft looking that I wish I could’ve been kissing them every minute of every day. I know this is going to sound stupid, but one of my favorite parts of him was his nose. How it was just so cute and perfect, slightly feminine but I always found myself running my fingertips down the bridge of it as he slept before kissing his cheek and whispering goodnight.

All too often, he was all I’d want and I’d let myself be carried away by thoughts of him holding me close in his arms, how his breath would feel on my skin, or what it would feel like to have him all to myself. And all too often, that’s what I never got. He was always too busy drowning his sorrow or looking for a high to spend anytime with me. He spent days upon days that turned into months tearing himself apart but no matter how bad he got…he’d never tell me what was wrong. Looking back on it, I wish I’d pushed harder for answers, but the more I tried to help, the further he ran from me, and it just got worse and worse…until he couldn’t take it anymore. He ran away because he didn’t understand how much I cared. How much I wanted him. How bad I fucking needed him…

He’s still my mannequin. Still perfect and beautiful. The only difference is that his lips have no tint of pink and every inch of him is ten times paler than he should be. His perfect cherry brown eyes don’t shine like glass anymore. They are blank and void. His lips are no longer supple and soft, but cracked and dry, and I’m sure if I were to kiss his cheek goodbye this time…I’d taste the salt of every tear he’s ever cried. His body isn’t thick like it used to be. Instead it’s been drained of all nourishment, his bones sticking out at angles that look painful. By no means is he stick thin but he’s too thin to be himself. I lean down to press a gentle kiss to his thin, dry lips and a chill runs down the center of my back due to how cold he is…I want to hold him until he’s warm again. Until his eyes sparkle and his color comes back to him…it’s everything but possible.

“You’ll never know how much I love you.” I whisper, to ears that wont listen and I give up on holding back tears, letting them fill my eyes and roll down my cheeks before I sink into him, crying harder than I can ever remember, clutching his jacket in my fist and letting my tears run onto his skin; crying against his shoulder. His cold cheek pressed against mine. “Why did you leave me?” I breathe through heavy breaths of sorrow. “Why did you have to go?…Why, why, why?” But he doesn’t answer. He doesn’t make a sound. His arms don’t wrap around me. He doesn’t even show any emotion. Mikey’s running his hand across my shoulders, trying to comfort me, but the only thing that would comfort me right now is getting my G back..

“C’mon Frank.” His brother whispers in my ear, but even his quiet whisper can’t mask the tears that are threatening to pour from his eyes. “It’s time to let him go…” I try to stop crying but I can’t, each sob getting heavier as he uncurls my fingers from his jacket.

“I’ll always love you more than anything…forever and ever.” I take one last look at him, running my fingers down yhis nearly white cheek as Mikey leads me away from him, and I watch as the heavy wooden lid is closed, sealing him into darkness for the rest of eternity.

I need you
I need so much
I need you
Get me out of this place
I need you
With the lightning this close I can see
That so much in this world is make believe
And this ticking clock isn't for me
And still nobody knew I need you

I need you
In my blacker days
I need you
With the walls coming down I need you
Through this hole in my chest I can feel
That so much is this world isn't real
And there's some things that you cannot steal
Tell me what can I do?
I need you

And the sun would rise
In the Jasmine skies
And I'm lying awake in your bed
Sometimes I don't remember
Why can't I forget her?
I need you

I need you
There's so much in this world that is true
No not much I'm not willing to do
I cannot be without you
I need you

I’ve spent my days since your funeral lying in bed, trying to make a bargain with god. Thinking of the countless people who had come near you in your 27 years of life. People I will never know. Someone who spoke four words to you in line at the grocery store. And someone who stood on the corner next to you waiting for the light to change. All of these people. Strangers to me – I want the time they had spent with you. I want to gather all of these people together and have for myself the sum of all their moments in your presence. If I added up all these moments they might amount to an afternoon that I could have to share with you. To hold you close. I promise god that if he grants me this little bit of time with you…I will never ask for anything else again.